Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Many people have different views on caring and providing aid for the senior citizens. Though it is very important for a person to save for his future and the children to care for their aged parents, I strongly feel that government should also be extending hands for the welfare of the elderly people.
According to the traditional approach, all the savings of the parents are being spent for the education, wedding and for setting up a better lifestyle for their kids. Parents miss to think or prepare themselves for their retirement. Some are very careless and act as spendthrifts who enjoy the present and do not save for the future.
There are other factors which insist the support from government. In this economical world, everyone are in need of money. Not all children are in a position to bear the financial needs of their parents. Since in a due course of time, they get into a family cycle and get stuck amidst of various problems. There are also chances for rise of misunderstanding between parents and children which becomes a barrier for interaction.Also because of the generation gap, attitudes differ between them.
Government should be setting some arrangements for the elderly like Old-age homes, medical centers/campaigns, Special care units for the elderly who suffers from non-curable diseases, etc., For the elderly who have lost their children or living apart from their children can be provided with financial benefits. Special assistance came be provided for the people aged above 80 & for the differently abled for transport, medical insurance etc.,
In a nutshell, apart from insisting oneself to plan for their retirement, it is also the responsibility of the government to care for the senior members of the nation.
1.Actually i think your ideas in the essay were in conflict. In some paragraphs you mentioned your disagreement in some ,somehow, your agreement whereas in your introduction you agreed with the idea in the question.
There are other factors which insist the support from government. In this economical world, everyone are in need of money. Not all children are in a position to bear the financial needs of their parents. Since in a due course of time, they get into a family cycle and get stuck amidst of various problems. There are also chances for rise of misunderstanding between parents and children which becomes a barrier for interaction.Also because of the generation gap, attitudes differ between them.
2. I guess this paragraph of yours was a bit irrelevant to the question.
3. you could have put your paragraphs in a better order by adding special expressions. in this way i found it a little vague.
4. A practical action you can do is to widen your conclusion with suggestion and prediction.
Thank you for your valuable suggestion minaf :)
I have rewritten as below,
People have different views on caring and providing aid for the senior citizens. Though it is important for a person to save for his future, I strongly feel that government should also be extending hands for the welfare of the elderly people.
There are many factors which insist the support from the government in the later stage of life. According to the traditional approach, all the earnings of an individual are being spent for the education, and for setting up a better lifestyle for their kids. People always miss to think or prepare themselves for their retirement. Some are very careless and act as spendthrifts who enjoy the present and do not save for the future.
I would say that, government should be setting some arrangements for the elderly like Old-age homes, medical centers/campaigns, Special care units for the elderly who suffers from non-curable diseases, etc., For instance, to the elderly who have lost their children or living apart from their children can be provided with financial benefits. Special assistance came be provided for the people aged above 80 & for the differently abled for transport, medical insurance etc.,
In a nutshell, apart from insisting oneself to plan for their retirement, it is also the responsibility of the government to care for the senior members of the nation. Mandatory deduction of some money can be set up by the government from the monthly earnings of an individual and settle them while the person retires from employment.
Kindly let me know your comments !
Mandatory deduction of some money can be set up by the government from the monthly earnings of an individual and settle them while the person retires from employment.
You may need to expand on that (because federal taxes and Social Security taxes can already be considered as 'mandatory deduction of some money').
Thank you EF_Team for the comments !
I can rephrase as below ,
Mandatory Retirement Savings Schemes can be setup where some amount of money will be deducted from monthly earnings and settle them after the person retires from employment.
Well done!
Better job!
Now your essay is ordered better! Keep trying!:)
Good introduction :)
There are many factors which insist the support from the government in the later stage of life.
Okkkkkkkk... so your reason here is that people fail to save for their retirement age due to various commitments (I suggest you to remove the part about spendthrifts because it is not going to help your opinion - In the body para, you should give reasons to support your opinion and back them up with examples). Present this reason more clearly to the reader and present the ideas of family commitments ( expenses on their children's education, providing a quality lifestyle etc.) as examples.
ok got it. Now am missing to state examples in body para. I will keep that in mind.
Many thanks dumi !
