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Ielts writing task 2 - government and traffic combination topic

thank you 3000 1 / -  
Jun 3, 2021   #1

strict punishments for driving offences

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People have different views regarding the lesgitation on road traffic about whether imposed severe punishments or other methods have a noticable implication in the accidents rates. In my opinion, the former would be justified, however the latter sounds more convincing.

On the one hand, It is evident that the implementation of strict punishment such as fees and probation are actually affect to driver's awareness. To be specific, penaties act as a deterent for reoffended trend, which in turn preventing driver to repeat the unlawful act. Moreover, harsh punishments gain social endorsement in terms of controlling juvenile crimes. For example, those who are disregrad the law can have a life-lesson if they are condemned.

On the oher hand, there are others measures can be adapt apart from strict punishment which avoid crime motivation by dealing with the insight cause. One of them is improving the education standard, by that I mean, to cover students with adequate traffic theoretical knowledge and pratical skills. Subsequently, governments or local councils could reduce road accidents by investing in better public transport like bus and train in case of driving incapability in drunks.

In conclusion, although strict punishments play a vital role in the decrease of driving criminal rates, those solutions analyzed above will eliminate all elements that include a person to embark on law break, which cover wider than the previous idea and is predicted to solve thoroughly the problem in the foreseeable future
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,933 3567  
Jun 4, 2021   #2
Your essay is going to recieve an overall failing score due to several reasons, all based on the scoring cubic. You cannot expect to receive a passing score due to an essay that confuses the reader and suffers from improper word usage, incoherent explanations, and stressful grammar issues. You are only ffocused on word usage. Do not believe anyone who tells you thatyou can focus only on one scoring aspect for a good score. If you keep using advanced English words improperly, your sentences fail to make sense and will result in a failed LR score. A long but incomprehensible essay such as this will only serve to getyou the lowest possible final score.

Go back to the basics. By that, I mean, emoll in basic English lessons first. You really need the lessons in basic English vocabulary and basic English sentence structure and development.
Paul16 5 / 8  
Jun 5, 2021   #3
I understand you want to use advanced words but there are some errors in the word choice and grammar, spelling mistakes. Besides, I think you should write in a less "absolute" way with would, could,...

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