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A government has various duties to its citizens, but limited resources. Should defence spending take


nedymin 1 / 1  
Apr 24, 2015   #1
Hi anyone
This is the first time i write the essay.
I have tried to write is as well as i can
But maybe it has many mistakes.
Please check it for me:)
Thanks a lot!

Topic
A government has various duties to its citizens, but limited resources. Should defence spending take up a significant proportion of the national budget? Discuss.

Today, People in many countries still have a different difficult problem. They need the interest from their government. But the defence spending in most of countries are more and more a day. I think It is not a good way to use the nation budget.

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thutyedaniel 32 / 38 17  
Apr 24, 2015   #2
TodayNowadays or These days , Pp eople in many countries still have a different difficult problem. They need the interest from their government. B, b ut the defence spending in most of countries are more and more a day. Therefore , I think It is not a good way to use the nation budget.
Kikiki 4 / 4 2  
Apr 24, 2015   #3
Hello nedymin! Actually, I also a beginner in English, who likely have a serious problem in grammar. However, reviewing is also an important part of learning. So experts, please correct me if I'm wrong. Thanks! :)

1. People in many countries suffer various difficult problems. (It adds more dramatic effect which is good for Introduction statement)
2. I think, what we need from government is not its interest, so I prefer to use subsidy instead.
3. But the defence spending in most of country is likely increased day by day.
4. I think It is not a good way to use the national budget for this.
Amir1987 2 / 3  
Apr 24, 2015   #4
it was great for first time. I've been busy last month and i will cooperate again here.
dear nedymin if you can use Relative clauses in you writting you can get more better score, i'll show you an example.
Workers had to work hard but they were not paid consistent with effort because money used to paid for their work from government are not much.

workers who had to work hardly or
the mony that government paid them was not justice and consistent with their effort

i am not good enough but i think this can help you.
OP nedymin 1 / 1  
Apr 24, 2015   #5
thanks a lot for your advice, Amir1987

I have just got an edited essay from my teacher.
So I hope it can help a little for beginner like me.

Nowadays, people still have many different problems and needs, thus they need the supports from their governments. Defense spending in many countriesdoes not seem to stop increasing. In my opinion, high defense spending is not a good way to use the national budget.

It has been argued thatusing a lot of money in defenses makes the citizens become poorer. Peoplehave to work very hard but they arenot paid well because the budget from the government to pay people is not sufficient. For example, themilitary development in North Korea isinversely proportional tothe life qualities of the citizens. Many people in this country are still underfed but the government does not use part of the militarybudget to help them out.

In addition, I also agree with another point of view that different improvements in the defense lead to competition. The arms race among different countries makes life even harder for the citizens. For instance, the competition of militaries and economics between America and Russia worsens the relationships between them. Economic sanctions to Russia from America is a huge lostfor Russia its people.

It is undeniable that a few countries are stronger and richer by military, such as America or China. However, the prosperousness of thenation and the happiness of the people are more important. I favor the idea that governments should cut down their spending in defense and increase their spending in improving people's lives.


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