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IELTS -- Government wants people to move To Big Cities


marucat 3 / 9  
Aug 28, 2011   #1
Please help to check my writing. Any feedback is really welcomed, thank you!

Topic - Many people are moving to big cities. Why is that? Do you think it is a good trend?

My writing:

Nowadays our government encourages people in rural areas to move to cities, especially big cities. It is likely to be a huge challenge that the government needs to face and cope with when population increases considerably in big cities, at the same time, someone argues that it also provide more energy to big cities.

The reason that people are more willing to relocate to big cities than before is that big cities can supply them with more opportunities and resources to exploit to enjoy a colorful life. Beyond our doubt, there are more infrastructures such as mature traffic system, hospitals and shopping malls that people can rely on in their daily lives. And certainly, there are more vacant jobs as a great plenty of companies, especially international corporations, tend to set up their branch offices in big cities.

More opportunities do not mean everything in big cities is good. It is widely known that the living costs in big cities are much higher than in countryside. For instance, it is not everyone that is able to afford a pricey apartment or house. However in my opinion, it is quite good that people come to contribute themselves in developing the cities and treat as their new home even though people probably initiate to improve their own lives. Besides, they bring more diversity on culture and positive competitions to big cities.

I personally think that the benefits of people moving to big cities outweigh the negative factors from the point of view of cities themselves as long as our government is prepared well on the balance of resources to avoid potential conflicts between original residents and newcomers.

beepro21 15 / 22  
Aug 28, 2011   #2
As can be seen from your writing, the government can solve the problems easily buy not encouraging people from rural areas to big cities. In addition, the readers don't know what you are doing in the next para and your opinions about the problems.In the 3rd para,I think u should use more reasons and examples about positive effects of the trend to support your ideas.
Icecreamquest 6 / 15  
Aug 29, 2011   #3
And certainly, there are more vacant jobs as a great plenty of companies, especially international corporations, which tend to set up their branch offices in big cities.

Have a good day!
OP marucat 3 / 9  
Aug 30, 2011   #4
Again, thank you so much for your time and comments.

They are really helpful. I really need to sharpen my writing further, or I have to.


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