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IELTS2 - governments, companies and people have equal responsibilities for combating global warming

ylc125 2 / 3  
May 14, 2020   #1

Global warming responsibilities

Climate change represents a major threat to countries around the world, and some people argue that people should be responsible for coping this problem instead of companies and the authorities, and I'm completely disagree with this viewpoint. I believe that both corporations and governments have equal responsibility.

Governments indeed need to take responsibility for the impact on climate change as they have the most power to change things. People and companies would not change their practice until the authorities introduce stricter laws or offer incentives to change their behaviors. For example, governments could introduce green taxes on drivers or companies and impose heavy fines for those who fail to adhere to these laws. Furthermore, the authorities could also invest money in the development of renewable energy, such as solar, wind or water power.

Corporations also have responsibilities for combat climate change. Firstly, companies could build up the collaboration with governments in inventing green energy from natural sources by gathering groups of outstanding scientists around the world. Moreover, manufactures could reduce the pace of climate change by implanting circular economy. Circular economy features that companies retain the responsibilities for the products instead of customers, which means companies are responsible for dealing with the products that reach the end of lifecycle. Manufactures could repair the broken parts of an item and reuse them to assemble another products.

Individuals certainly have the responsibility of dealing with global warming for some degree. The public could affect the acts of governments by voting for politicians who propose to combat climate change, rather than for those who would prefer to ignore it. In addition, people could limit their contribution to climate change by becoming more energy-efficient, by taking public transportation or bicycles, and they could boycott the products that have much packaging or companies known for pollute.

In conclusion, climate change is a pressing global issue, and I believe governments, companies and people have equal responsibilities for combating global warming.

Thank you for your revision.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,568 2485  
May 14, 2020   #2
It will be difficult for me to review your essay in terms of proper content and topic discussion representation because you did not provide the original prompt with your essay. That is a major requirement if you want to get a proper and complete review from a contributor at this forum. All you will get for now is a general review. There are several global warming topics for this task so I cannot review your paper based on a particular topic, I might end up giving you the wrong advice.

I advice students who will participate in this thread not to offer discussion advice either. Avoid making mistakes or giving useless advice to other students just to show forum participation. If you are not sure about what to say, or you have nothing to say, it is best for students to say nothing at this forum. Leave the advising to the contributor instead. Do not plagiarize contributor advise. Do not provide the prompt for the student either. Make a mistake with that and the student will receive incorrect and inapplicable advice. The student must provide the prompt with every essay for review.

You definitely wrote too many words for this essay. While typing 342 words is impressive, I am left wondering if your 342 words actually adheres to the original prompt topic and discussion requirement. Students oftentimes think, as per the wrong advice of their other tutors, that simply writing as many words as you can will assure of you of a passing grade. That is incorrect advice. The examiner is not focused on the word count, he is focused on your prompt responsiveness. If your essay is long, but runs counter or does not discuss the topic in the expected format, then writing those words were useless. Focus on 275-290 words for your writing. Then spend the rest of the time double checking your work. Check for spelling and sentence format errors, incorrect vocabulary usage, and, most importantly, prompt responsiveness. I would have been able to show you how to do this using this prompt if you had provided the prompt requirement with your post. Kindly provide it next time.

Familiarize yourself with UK English spelling requirements. While spelling in American English is acceptable, the examiner will be more impressed if you learn to use British words and UK spelling for words that have American English word equivalents. Hence:

Behaviors (American) = Behaviours (UK)

In addition to that, you should brush up on your word familiarity when it comes to writing English words. Not all words are written as 2 separate words, there are some words written as one word such as:

water power = waterpower

Additionally, your LR has problems:

Manufactures means to create a product, a manufacturer is the one who owns the manufacturing plant that manufactures the product. Therefore:

Manufactures (The manufacturer) could repair the broken parts..

Now, based on the correction indicated above, you should be using the singular form of the word "products". You made reference to only one manufacturer, so the noun should be in singular form (Manufacturers = Products ; plural form for both)

These are the general errors I found in your essay. I can give you a better review next time, provided you give me a copy of the discussion topic along with your essay.
OP ylc125 2 / 3  
May 14, 2020   #3
I'm sorry I didn't notice that the prompt was left out, so this time I post the essay again with the title.
Thank you for your revision.

Climate change is a phenomenon that affects countries all over the world. Many people strongly believe that it is the responsibility of individuals, rather than corporations and governments, to deal with this problem.

To what extent do you agree?

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