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Toefl Writing: Governments have done enough to educate people the importance of healthy eating.

Olivia33 3 / 3 1  
Jan 5, 2016   #1
I'm looking forward to your comments and advice including grammar, vocabulary, sentence structure, organization ect.
I'd appreciate that. Thanks. :)

Do you agree or disagree governments have done enough to educate people the importance of the good nutrition and healthy eating?

Eating, as an indispensable part of everyone's daily life, has always been an eye-catching topic among public. As more importance is being attached to health by people, whether government has contributed to educating people the importance of good nutrition and healthy eating draws attention. Some believe that government has done enough on this issue while others hold the opposite view. From my perspective, governments' efforts in such education are far from enough.

To begin with, governments have done little in arousing public's awareness to develop a healthy diet. That's why bad eating habits are ubiquitous around us. For instance, fast food restaurants like McDonald's are always crowded where junk food is served, ranging from burgers, French Fries to cola which are high in fat and sugar. People can easily gain weight if eating too much of that. Besides, every time I visit my grandmother's home, she treats me a full table with delicious dishes, like braised pork, steamed beef and roast mutton but no vegetables. Although meat in Chinese tradition shows hospitability, to some degree, it indicates my grandmother's lack of awareness about what a balanced diet is. Based on such prevalent phenomena, some practical approaches should be implemented by governments to increase people's motivation to eat healthily, such as printing some booklets with tips of how to eat healthily and foods containing good nutrition.

Apart from the necessity of arousing public's awareness directly, governments also need to assume the responsibility to strengthen the regulation process of food production. That's probably because if people worry about the food quality sold in the market, they will not believe what governments have told them. Assuming that by educating, people have established the awareness of eating healthily, if there is no security in food industry guaranteed by governments, it is impossible for public to eat freely, not mentioning a favorable eating habit.

In conclusion, there are still lots of tasks for completion by governments to cultivate people's awareness of good nutrition and healthy eating. Ensuring customers a safe food market should be given priority; then come measures like handing out booklets or putting on advertisements on TV.

Shinwa - / 1  
Jan 5, 2016   #2
Olivia ,Nice to meet you! There are some of my small comment :
Your first sentence is not wrong, but I think that it not very good, you can refer to: " eating plays an essential role in our life", and "always" don't go with the present perfect, you need use present simple tense. Moreover, you shouldn't use " among" with "public" , we often use " in public" more than or you can change your sentense. For example, " Eating plays an essential role in our life. It is an eye-catching topic is becoming popular all over the world". In addition, you should avoid lengthy sentenses in English when you write an essay. From my point of view, you should talk about your opinion in the first sentence or the second sentence. I also think I this phrase"are far from enough" does not appropriate . In written language, please use the phrase to show respect .
NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Jan 15, 2016   #3
My remarks are about the format of your essay. You have to make sure that every body paragraph should starts with a topic sentence (the main idea) and ends with a concluding sentence. Every body paragraph should include at least five sentences. They should also have all the same length. In the concluding sentence you should restate the idea that you have mentioned in the introduction.

Good luck

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