Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Only governments and large institution can create new development for the society, not individuals.


dinhngocthu18 1 / -  
Apr 9, 2022   #1
Individuals can do nothing to change society. Any new developments can only be brought about by governments and large institutions.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



There are some people asserting that social development is solely the responsibility of governments and large organizations, not of any individual. Personally, I contend that this massive undertaking requires all forces in society, from authorities to normal people.

To start with, the interference of governments and influencing organizations is apparently of great importance when it comes to serious dilemmas, which need the cooperation of qualified people. For instance, when the Covid-19 spread out, the lives of millions of people, especially in developing and disadvantaged countries were threatened, even effortlessly died because of lacking healthcare conditions, medicines and vaccines. It was exactly the time for national leaders and international organizations to collaborate to save the world, to voice for the safety of people worldwide. Thanks to these organizations, we have the COVAX facility, supplying vaccines for poor countries and saving thousands of lives. Therefore, in certain circumstances, the role of leading authorities plays a key-driving force to address dilemmas most efficiently and comprehensively, where merely hands from individuals are not enough to create such significant changes.

However, it would be completely wrong to undermine the power of each individual. Back to the example mentioned above, what if people are not aware of keeping safe for themselves amid the pandemic, not obeying the vaccination policies launched? All the efforts of governments would come in vain, obviously. Thus, a small gesture towards a positive and peaceful life of each individual can render the whole society better. Saying good things to each other every day, being generous, turning off energy when not using and many more small things a person can do contribute to social development in many aspects of life. A more peaceful life is exactly a positive change in society. Furthermore, human ability is unlimited, thereby creating more significant changes. Quang Linh is the most compelling example for this. Just a normal Vietnamese man, without any aid from any governments, he has helped hundreds of people in Angola to get jobs to earn for living, and brought electricity to the residents there, which the Angola government has yet managed to do.

In conclusion, I believe that not only governments or institutions but also everyone from all walks of life plays a key role in bettering our society.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Apr 9, 2022   #2
The writer has not responded to the question in the expected format. Although he did an excellent job in the prompt restatement section, his inability to provide an opinion that represents the measured response format was the problem with his personal opinion presentation. This error in presentation will result in a deduction in relation to the prompt format requirement. So the score for the essay will be median in consideration. Good prompt restatement, bad opinion presentation. He presented a strong thesis statement at the end, but neglected to represent the degree of his opinion prior to the reasoning foundation statement.

The reasoning presentation is sound and clearly shows that the writer gave a great deal of thought to his discussion presentation. However, his paragraphs are over discussed. These long discussion points forced grammar errors in the presentation that often affected the sentence structure and clarity of the idea being presented. He has to learn to shorten his sentences / paragraphs. He must also avoid using rhetorical questions in his presentation as it tends to change the discussion focus. Opinion statements must be factual and analytical, never rhetorical.

When using examples, try to not change the reference midstream. The whole discussion is based on Covid 19 response. However, the example shifted the attention to electricification. This sudden change will confuse the reader and affect the C+C score of the presentation negatively.


Home / Writing Feedback / Only governments and large institution can create new development for the society, not individuals.