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Governments ought to allocate their budget to railways rather than roads


sharkonguyen 1 / -  
Oct 1, 2019   #1

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.


To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words


Some people believe that governments ought to allocate their budget to railways rather than roads. In my perspectives, I totally agree with this statement because of its effectiveness and environmental friendliness.

It is undeniable that improved and modern railway system can solve the problem of traffic congestion. Railways such as Mass Rapid Train totally meet the demand for time-saving, which plays a immensely crucial role in people's lives. Before the development of the railway systems, previous workers experienced a mass-issue related to traffic jam due to the rush hour and overpopulation. As a result, they had to spend more time travelling on the roads and did not derive any benefits from it. Beside that, modern rails with self-driving system allow people to be entitled to relax or working while travelling to work, so they possibly can have more time fulfill all obligations of their work. Not only do the drivers suffer from exhausted and tired after driving long distance, they also become more depressed when being drowning in deadlines. Railways system also provide safety for children whose parents cannot pick up them at school.

It goes without saying that railway system is more environmentally friendly than private vehicles. If more and more people turn to use subway trains or MRT, the number of private cars on the roads can reduce dramatically by considerable percentage. As a consequence, smoke released into the air from cars and illness related to respiratory organs will be decreased

In conclusion, railway system has made significant contribution the development of the country, after undergoing a dramatic change in technique which require hugh amount of money from the government. Not only does the this mode of transport have influence on people's work, it is also more environmentally friendly than private ones.

julius234 1 / 2  
Oct 1, 2019   #2
paragraph 1, your idea is not clear, i think that you should explain why railway solve traffic problem
smoke = exhausted fumes
paragraph 2, huge , not hugh
is released
you should use word, and grammarly to check your grammar and vocabulary
jocelyne001 9 / 21 13  
Oct 3, 2019   #3
Hello

I have some suggestions for you. Firstly, in the first argument of the second paragraph, you use two long sentences to explain the negative effect of traffic jam on the roads instead of focusing on the reason why railways can solve the issue. I think maybe it is better to add more details about it. Secondly, Railways system also provide safety ... this point is a little too much for me since you already have two points in a paragraph as well as you did not make further explanation for it. Therefore, I recommend you just demolish this sentence. Thirdly, maybe you can add more details or examples in the third paragraph. Although the idea is quite clear and easy to understand for readers, the paragraph is a little too short and lack of relevant descriptions about how the railway systems can be eco-friendly to the environment.

Hope my suggestions are helpful
Maria [Contributor] - / 1,048 373  
Oct 3, 2019   #4
@sharkonguyen
Hey, welcome to the forum! Here is my feedback on your writing; I hope it helps!

First and foremost, while the introductory paragraph is alright, I would heavily suggest that you avoid over blowing the text that you have. Taking a look at your second paragraph, it's quite pervasive how you jammed a lot of details into one portion. If you are able to avoid doing this, it would be more beneficial for your content as you're giving more priority to what is relevant.

Furthermore, I suggest working on your transitions when moving between paragraphs. While the essay was packed with information, not having the necessary transitional words can affect the delivery of content. Remember that the packaging is everything in these essays.


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