Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Governments should plan more budget for railways development rather than roads system


linokmijn 1 / -  
Sep 4, 2017   #1
Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


both railways and roads are significant



Some people believe that governments should plan more budget for railways development rather than roads. In my opinion, I agree that railways are significant to countries. While the other people consider that road system is important.

There are some reasons why I think governments should improve railways. First, the quantity of private car increase rapidly in recent years. If most of people take the public transportation, vehicle emission will be cut down because driving amounts reduces. Secondly, taking a train can avoid the traffic jam. People may get a bad feeling owing to block in a long line of traffic in rush hours. The railways can transform huge amounts of people during rush hours, therefore people can save the waiting time in traffic jam. In addition, many serious traffic accidents occurred because of careless driving. Taking a train can avoid those events happen. Thirdly, the cost by taking a train is cheaper than driving a car. People can use the saved money to do other things.

However, road system also plays an essential role to a country's progress. On the one hand, unlike railways, roads can be built on a grate scale, creating a flexible traffic network. People can go more places by the road system. On the other hand, we have to plan our itinerary by the railway timetable if we take a train. By driving, we can easy to go anywhere whenever we want. The road system provides a more convenience traffic option to people.

In conclusion, governments should construct both railways and roads, those are significant advances to countries.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Sep 4, 2017   #2
Lin, this is one of those "emotional" essays where you are asked to offer a degree of agreement or disagreement with the given statement. The "extent" part of the instruction means that you have to create a degree of either agreement or disagreement with the statement. So you can't just say you "agree". You need to use any of the following terms to indicate the strength of your agreement / disagreement:

I strongly agree/disagree
I totally agree / disagree
I tentatively agree / disagree
I agree / disagree to a certain extent

Along with a host of other variations. When you use the emotional descriptions, you need to discuss only one side of the issue. However, if you say "tentatively" or "to a certain extent", you have some leeway to discuss both sides of the argument in your essay. It would be best if you opt to discuss using only one emotion though (totally, strongly) so that you can focus more on developing your individual reasons that will increase your overall score, rather than dividing your discussion in a manner that could adversely affect the scoring consideration as you will end up trying to discuss too much information per paragraph. Remember, you need to make yourself understood within only 5 sentences. So trying to cover too much in a paragraph would be detrimental to your scoring considerations.

In this essay, you should have used the "tentatively" or "certain extent" representation in order to make the rest of your discussion acceptable to the examiner. Without that representation in your paraphrasing, you should have only discussed and offered evidence for one side of the discussion. In fact, the discussion that you provided is weak because you try to discuss at least 2 reasons per paragraph, which never works because of the lack of discussion development space. Also, writing only 2 complete paragraphs instead of the minimum 3 paragraph essay will seriously lower your C&C score. If you have completely developed at least 4 paragraphs, you would have gotten a better score and possible passed the test. In this current version of the essay though, that will be hard to achieve.


Home / Writing Feedback / Governments should plan more budget for railways development rather than roads system