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Governments spend too much money to protect wildlife, while there are other important problems

AmericanCorner 1 / 2  
Jul 21, 2018   #1
It often said that the governments spend too much money to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important?
Do you agree or disagree?

budget for the endangered species protection

It is arguably these days the head of local pay too much attention toward the life of endangered species and put aside other problems in another way. While I agree to see the impact that may have on caring with the distinction animals, I also believe that there are other cases that needed to overcome its way out.

It is noticeable that with the threat of life on the animals, concerning efforts might be a good solution since it can keep their offspring alive. It is because since they are no longer exist in our life and it is really huge the leader may lead to making them survive by giving conservation. Also with the craving of humans to put the advantage of their life, it might them extinct. Thus, it is true spending tons of money for the sake of one's life is no vain, even though there are debatable comments afterward. In the first place, animals are also creatures like the human, need to have a right to live their life.

On the other hand, it also impacts to the bias action the authority runs since many things like the infrastructures, economics' boosts and education should be put attention to. Taking example for the condition of Indonesia where nowadays the people live there are not in good growth of the economics, seeing that fact that many live in an inappropriate place, lack of water consumption and has lagged in terms of education. That is way, the plan of executing more money on wildlife is not a good solution to witness other condition as mentioned above. For goodness sake, it should be run in both ways without putting one's aspect aside.

At last, it is true that we have to keep the life of the endangered species but it is better not to spend much budget on it since there are lots of things the government should prioritize towards country's condition.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,979 2695  
Jul 22, 2018   #2
It, this essay is so confusing to read, the examiner will not be able to make sense of anything you said. I think the main problem in your writing is that you are using the transliterate method of writing. Transliterating is when you use the closest English equivalent word to represent a word from a different language. The whole essay sounds like you were thinking in Bhasa and then used an English equivalent for the presentation. When you do that, you end up writing an essay that has disconnected words because you only focused your work on the vocabulary aspect, totally disregarding the coherence and sentence structure of your presentation. As such, your essay does very poorly in all aspects of the discussion.

I believe that you are not yet prepared to write any essay task at this point. You need to improve your English comprehension and simple sentence writing skills first. Once you learn to clearly express yourself in written English, without addressing any essay tasks first, then you can try and write simple task 1 essays first. Leave the more complicated task 2 essays for later.

Remember, you have to:
1. Understand English
2. Think in English
3. Write in English

That is the proper order for your learning of the English language before you can actually commit to practicing task 1 or task 2 essays.
OP AmericanCorner 1 / 2  
Jul 24, 2018   #3
Holt, thank you so much for the feedback, it means a lot to me. I just made this essay in 10 minutes without having preparation, lol. but yeah, heaps of thanks for the suggestions, it will take it for granted and will try to improve my writing.

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