[IELTS Writing task 1] What UK graduate and postgraduate students did after leaving college in 2008?

A decision what to do after school

re postgraduates took further study as their goals, which is slightly more than those who decided to work part-time job. However, voluntary occupation that postgraduate students wanted to pursue made up the smallest proportion. In fact, it was just 345 people of the total amount in 7,230 postgraduates. At last, there were 1,625 postgraduate students who didn't have their job.

When we compare two bar charts, it's clear that a majority of UK graduates and postgraduates made decisions to study further after they finished college courses in 2008. In contrast, both of them rarely plan to have voluntary job after leaving college. In addition to this trend, the difference that we will notice between the two bar charts is the percentage on the amount of students who preferred to do part-time job with only one-third of the total amount in graduate students and around a half with the postgraduate students.

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Hello
You have a good report.
However, I have some opinions.
It is extremely long for writing task 1 as you should write it within 20 minutes.
. In contrast, both of them rarely planNED to have voluntary job after leaving college.
In addition to this trend, the difference that we will CAN notice between the two bar charts is the percentage on the amount

@BADJ You did a very good job in presenting the information from the charts on an individual and comparative basis. However, your summary overview and trending discussions are incomplete in the essay. While the summary overview can be located either at the beginning or the end of the essay, I always suggest that it be placed in the first paragraph so that it can help to increase your task accuracy score. By completely indicating the required information and discussion points, the outline for the essay will be able to assist the reader in assessing your summary report. The information that should be contained in your summary should be inclusive of the following:

1. Type of graph and purpose of the graph
2. Demographic being considered
3. Data collection method
4. Data type collected
5. Discussion points that will be presented

Your trending statement can either be incorporated into the opening paragraph or created as the topic statement for your first body paragraph. Your work in summarizing and comparing the information is exemplary. It shows a keen analytical mind and an attention to detail that not all exam takers have. Had you properly presented the summary overview, I have no doubt that you would have scored somewhere in the band score of 7 with this essay.