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I have just graduated from Hue University of Education - autopresentation

Tran Trinh 1 / -  
Aug 15, 2017   #1
check my essay about grammar or how to use vocabulary

self-presentation essay

I have just graduated from Hue University of Education with my major is Physic Teaching. I am a curious person who have profound passion about creativity and explore new things around me. I've learned physics lessons from basic physical phenomenon such as the magnetic attraction from some metals when I was in Grade 6. This subject requires logical thinking, the capacity of collecting and analyzing phenomenon instantly and precisely. We study and acknowledge the world through phenomenal analysis skills and practical applications.

In addition, Physic plays an important role in daily life. It is necessary for everyone to use it in concrete situations like knowing how to avoid electrocution because of wires which is put in the water and unsound household electrical installation. Therefore, this basic knowledge can make our life become more convenient and decrease tremendous risks.

Besides, I am extremely interested in carrying out physics experiments lesson at school. We have a chance to put the theories which I've learned at school into practice. However, my school is not equipped with modern facilities to serve the experiment but I always get high score on Physics and Biology because of my profound passion and interest spent on them. I got the second runner up in the school's Biology gifted completion when I studied in Grade 10 and Grade 11. My dream job is Electronic engineering. However, my parents want me to become a teacher because it is suitable career for a girl like me.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Aug 15, 2017   #2
@Tran Trinh the subject is Physics, with an S at the end, not Physic as you mistakenly spell it throughout this essay. Always write the term in capital letters because it is a proper noun, being the name of a subject in school and a field of science. Do not say "concrete" situations. Instead say "actual' situations. "Concrete" means existing in a physical form while "actual" means existing in fact or current, which is what you meant to say in that sentence.

Your essay is actually very interesting to read and is understandable even though your English grammar is not perfect and there are some sentence structure errors in the narrative. I would suggest though, that you do not discuss how your parents have a different dream for your future occupation. Since you did not mention that early on in the essay, there is no sense in suddenly mentioning it at the end without any further explanation. Just like in all other essays, it is important that you do not introduce new information at the close of the presentation because you are not able to further develop an explanation or discussion for the additional information.

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