Ielts writing task 2:
Can you guys please kindly give me some advice ? Thanks a lot!
Question: Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development?
more and money for marriages
It is undeniable that new couples spend a huge amount on marriage recently. There are various causes for this and I think that drawbacks outweigh benefits.
There are two main reasons for this trend. Firstly, new couples nowadays are willing to spend more to make the marriages perfect. They do not want to leave any regret as wedding is one of the most crucial moment in their life time. People pay attention to all the wedding details, from the design of wedding card, souvenirs for the guests to wedding photos , however all these cost a lot and make the marriages become expensive. Secondly, thanks for the development of social media, people upload their photos to Facebook or Instagram to show off, this becomes one of the tensions from the couples. Marriage is a sort of 'presentation ' to their friends and relatives.
In my opinion, I do believe this is a drawback. First of all, people will only focus on the ceremony instead of the true meaning of marriage. What make a marriage important is how you treat and care about your partner instead of how fabulous the wedding ceremony is. The other reason is new couples always need to borrow money from parents or even banks for paying the expenditure of marriages, this is a huge burden for them and hinder their marriage afterwards, for example, they have used up all the saving and cannot afford a flat to live.
In conclusion, grand and expensive marriages become more and more common in recently years, however I would argue this brings a negative impact on the development of a society.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178
Beatrice, before I even deal with any other problems with your essay, I first have to point out that you are not discussing the correct prompt requirement. This is a single opinion essay that focuses on belief that spending more on marriages these days is either a positive or negative development. That is a different discussion from the advantage and disadvantage or drawback essay. Each of these essays have a specific prompt direction to fulfill. This essay is fulfilling the wrong requirement in terms of prompt discussion. The correct method of discussing this essay should have been:
These days, marriage has become an expensive undertaking. There are at least 2 reasons that this has been happening. In this essay, I will present 2 reasons for this development and also discuss why this is a negative development.
The first reason that expensive weddings have been taking place is because...
Aside from that, another reason that people spend on their nuptials has to do with...
I consider this a negative development because...
With the major problem out of the way, I would like to point out that you are beyond the maximum sentence requirement per paragraph. You should never go beyond a 5 sentence presentation per paragraph. That is why you should only discuss one topic per paragraph. You don't have the sentence allotment to discuss 2 topics in one paragraph. Since you have 3 body paragraphs with which to discuss, you can present 2 individual reasons per paragraph, then the personal opinion before you conclude your essay.
Hi, as @Holt has said, you didn't paraphrase the prompt correctly. I'd like offer you another example.
Marriages are grander and costlier nowadays than they were before.
Perhaps the easiest way to make a paraphrase is to use synonyms.