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"Grandmother from a small town": Write about an old person in your family

sejima 1 / 1  
Jun 6, 2011   #1
Write about an old person in your family

I'm going to talk about my grandmother. She lives in a small town in Segovia.

My grandfather died five years ago so she lives alone. She is very independent.
She lives near my aunt's house so she usually looks after her.

She lost her mother when she was a child. She had to look after three yonger brothers.
When she was 22 years old she married. Since then she is still living in the same town, Sta. Maria de Riaza (Segovia).

She is very busy all the time.
She has chickens, pigs... and she is a great cooker.

She has a great sense of humour and she always makes me laugh. She likes singing and she does it very well.
She is shorter than me and she has a dark skin. I don't look like her but my mother look like her very much and they have the same sense of humour.

She is a very nice person and I love her so much.

I know that it's a simple essay, and problably I 'll make a lot of mistakes

Thank you for the help.

KathyLala 20 / 116  
Jun 6, 2011   #2
You try well Ester, you don't make a lot of mistake for sure; you also prove your ideas well too; just this sentence, who looks after who? I think you need a comma if your grandmother looks after your aunt

She lives near my aunt's house, so she can be able to look after her.

Other thing is you need to combine your sentences and to have topic sentence for each paragraph. In your essay, try to avoid "in this essay, I'm talking about..." this opening lulls readers to sleep. Instead, start with "My grandmother is a wonderful person in a small town in Segovia. She has a great sense of humour and often makes me laugh.

You can add more details in your essay like you mention "she is a great cooker" which foods you like best?how?
"She is busy all the time" how do I know? "She wakes up early to feed her chickens". "As soon as she has done feeding the animals, she starts to make pancakes", for example. I just give you ideas, but you already do a nice job!!
Scientiana 12 / 43 10  
Jun 6, 2011   #3
Kathy is right! I think you should add more idea to your writing and make it more interesting by using linking words such as moreover, in addition, therefore...

Your writing is very good already. There is only a mistake (She had to look after three younger brothers).
dhammika1973 8 / 18  
Jun 7, 2011   #4
sejima, this is good start for practicing of writing a essay. As KathyLala, said you have to keep you "tone" of the essay, otherwise it will unable to attract the reader. Any you attempt is very good, you really manage your vocabulary.
OP sejima 1 / 1  
Jun 7, 2011   #5
Thank you for all your advices. I'll continue writing more.
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Jun 7, 2011   #6
I imagine the four of you sitting across a picnic table one can often see on college campuses in the US. Ester is from Spain; Kathy from Vietnam; Annika from Cambodia, and Dhammika - the only male member here, is from Sri Lanka. Or maybe, you could be gathered for a cup of coffee in some school's cafeteria after a class you attended together.

Noisy chatter all around, the boisterous atmosphere of students and a few adults ! The venerable-looking university building, the friendly teachers, all draw you together by their common strangness, encouraging and alluring at the same time.

As I come closer, I notice a strange spark -- of the youthful desire to find kinship with each other, as much as in what you are talking about !

She has chickens, pigs... and she is a great cooker.

I am reminded of the time, when my family and I were house hunting in a village in France. Only this man was at home, his wife was gone to work and his children had been sent away so the visitors - that is us, could look over the house. At one point after he had shown over the house to us, I asked him '.. so, what is it that you do ?'

'I am a cooker!' he said. ' I do the cooking at home '.

We kept a straight face, my girls and I. But thereafter, often when I was asked what I did, I would say ' I am a cooker !'

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