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The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the US between 1920 and 2000

LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Aug 4, 2017   #1
The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the US between 1920 and 2000.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

birth rates - China and United States Compared

The line graph tracks changes of the birth rates of China and the US, the period covered from 1920 to 2000. To offer an insight into the trends, it is dissected into four phases by fluctuation in fertility - 1920-1930, 1930-1940, 1940-1950 and 1950-2000. This essay will move on to elaborate the underlying features in each stage and capture the differences between two countries.

Overall, China and America demonstrated striking similarity in the figures, their birth rates rising or falling simultaneously almost all the time. In both countries there were mild fluctuations in phase one, dramatic growth to their all-time high in phase three and constant declines in phase four, though China's birth rate changed with more volatility than America's in the 1930s. Another distinction is that China's highest birth rate was more than 15% higher as compared with its lowest, while the difference in the US stood just at approximate 10%.

The first phase featured an all but identical pattern of change in the birth rates of both countries. Having had a marginal growth to somewhere between 11 to 13 percent, they both slid back to the same levels as 1920, barely above 10%. Noteworthily, America's birth rate stayed about 1% higher than China's in the 1920s.

While such a trend continued in America for the decade to come, in China it gave way to a rapid increase to 15% in 1935 and eventually a drastic slump to 5% in 1940. Into the phase three, the birth rate of China bottomed out but that of America fell precipitously, to slightly short of 5% in 1945, its lowest point over the eight decades. Since then, their fertility began to soar and peaked at 20% and 15% respectively in 1950.

Passing over the climax, America and China went through a relentless decline in fertility over the next five decades to the vicinity of 7% and 3% each in 2000, despite occasional rallies in the rates. It was during this phase that China saw its lowest birth rate, well under five percent. The country was consistently exceeded by America in the rate by around 5% from 1955 onwards.

This time I tried to write five paragraphs and develop more complex sentences using 5 sentences per paragraph as suggested. I will continue to practice my writing this way. Though I also need advice on how to condense my essay, since writting such a detailed one is time-consuming and therefore not quite practical in an actual test. I would also appreciate it if you bother to improve my use of words, sentences or grammatical structures.

phongbilly 2 / 4 1  
Aug 4, 2017   #2
I think you have already made a very good essay with this one. You have been very detailed in how you analyzed the graph. But as you said, your essay is pretty long, which is impractical in real test. But overall, it's well constructed.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,839 4175  
Aug 4, 2017   #3
Admittedly, there will be complex graphs and simple graphs to discuss in the actual test. Since these topics are randomly chosen per test taker, you will not know which kind you will get. I can however, assure you that the graph you will be given will allow you to complete the test within 20 minutes. You don't need to write a full 5 sentences if you feel that 3 sentences will do. This essay is testing your analytical and writing skills, so you should make sure to practice condensing the essays during your off time. The best way to practice condensing essays is by reading non-IELTS material and then summarizing that content. In theory, any topic can be condensed into 3 sentences at a minimum, depending upon the kind of presentation that you choose to use.

I would like to improve your use of words but I simply cannot do that at this point because of the complexity of the graph and your essay. Let me just say that you have chosen appropriate words to describe certain points of the graph. This shows that you have tried to increase your knowledge of the English language and its word meanings. Therefore, your LR and GRA score will receive a higher consideration than normal. Another tip, learn when you should use connecting words and comma's to connect your discussions. When the flow of thought can be continuous because the discussion is related, then use a comma or connecting words in the paragraph to shorten the presentation.

Good work overall. Keep writing like this and you are sure to pass this section of the test with flying colors. You have impressed me with your analytical ability. Going back to the condensation discussion, you can further improve your work by practicing outside of the class. Set the timer and push yourself to write appropriately within 30 minutes. Learning to write in a condensed manner does not happen overnight. It takes, skill and continuous practice. When are you taking the test? You just may have enough time to develop that skill to some level through the out of class practice sessions.

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