Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


(IELTS graph) Death rates and Medical funds for Someland in 1990


christyj 5 / 15  
Feb 24, 2013   #1
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graphs below.
- You should write at least 150 words.
- Allow yourself 20 minutes for this task.

The given bar charts provide information regarding the death rates of someland and the fund allocated for six major diseases in 1990. These six categories of diseases included TB, AIDS, topical diseases, diarrhoea, malaria and leprosy.

At a glance, the deaths due to TB were the highest among the six categories, whereas, the money allocated for medical research of AIDS were the topest. Turning to detail, in the first chart, there were a marginal difference of 0.1 million deaths between the deaths due to topical diseases 0.3million and malaria 0.4millon. Diarrhoeal deaths were 0.5 million and it holded the second major cause of death. The least five causes of deaths were leprosy 0.1million, AIDS 0.2million, topical diseases 0.3million, and malaria 0.4million. The deaths due to TB were 2.5 times more than that of diarrhoeal deaths and was 1.8 million.

In the second graph, the funding for medical researches leprosy and topical diseases were roughly the same 75 million. The money allowed for the medical research of malaria and diarrhoea were 50 million and 60 million respectively. The least funds were given for the medical research for TB, which was only 30 million.

In short, although the deaths due to TB were the highest in Someland, least money was allocated for its research. The government in Someland recognized the importance of AIDS control and prevention and the highest amount of money is allowed for its medical research, though the deaths due to it was holding the fifth position in 1990.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graphs below.
- You should write at least 150 words.
- Allow yourself 20 minutes for this task.



Evan9221 2 / 5 1  
Feb 24, 2013   #2
where is your essay?
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 25, 2013   #3
Hi :)
Before commenting on your essay, I wish to give you the following link which provides you with a good framework as how to tackle this task. If you have not yet come across this site, I would strongly recommend to visit it as it is a recommended structure by the British Council. (However, I find your structure is very much aligned with what it suggests)

The given bar charts provide information regarding the death rates of someland and the fund allocated for six major diseases in 1990. These six categories of diseases included TB, AIDS, topical diseases, diarrhoea, malaria and leprosy.

.... This is good as it describes what the charts present and as per the above framework, this is very much aligned with it. However, I think you can still improve its presentation;

The charts provide information regarding death rates and funds allocated for researching on six major diseases, namely TB, AIDS, Tropical diseases, Diarrhoea , Malaria and Leprosy, in 1990.
mhss 18 / 53 18  
Feb 27, 2013   #4
Hi, Thanks for the comment.
By the way,It would be better off using collective terms, rather than actual figures in certain instances.

The least five causes of deaths were below the margin of 0.5 million.
Diarrhoeal deaths were 0.5 million and it ACCOUNTED FOR the second major cause of death.
Regards,
mhss.
OP christyj 5 / 15  
Mar 3, 2013   #5
Hai Dumi and Desilva

Hai Dumi..

thanks for the site i.d and for your valuable comments....

Hai Desilva..

thanks for the corrections..

Christy


Home / Writing Feedback / (IELTS graph) Death rates and Medical funds for Someland in 1990
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳