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The graph below demonstrates the statistics of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007


janenat 1 / -  
Oct 24, 2019   #1

numbers of canadian graduate students



The line graph demonstrates the changes in the figure of graduate students of two genders, namely females and males, in Canadian universities over a course of 15 years started in 1992.

Generally, it is clearly evident that the pattern of the quantity of graduates from both groups differed sharply over the time frame. The numbers of students graduating from university in both genders witnessed an upward trend, especially females. By the end of the period, that of females had registered the highest figure out of all groups studied.

In 1992, the quantity of girls completing the university study programs was the highest of all two, standing around 100000 students. The year 1995 saw a slight rose in this figure to about 105000 students, before decreasing to 100000 graduates in 1998. During the period between 1998 and 2006, there was a sharp increase to approximately 150000 girls.

A similar trend could be seen in the numbers of graduate students who is boys, which was reported to be just over 70000 graduates in 1992, before

rising significantly to over 95000 students at the end of the period shown.



Maria - / 1,099 389  
Oct 26, 2019   #2
@janenat
Hello there! Welcome to the site. Hopefully, this feedback will grant you with new knowledge on how to improve your writing.

Firstly, that first paragraph is excellent. You gave a briefing of the summation of the text without putting things out of proportion.

The issue that I primarily have with the writing is mostly around the third paragraph onward. The manner in which you write the numbers can still be improved if you used, for instance, more punctuation marks to separate the zeroes. This will certainly make the writing appear to be a lot more put-together and professional.

Furthermore, it is not necessary for you to continuously detail out the information in that regard as the third paragraph. What I would recommend is trying to create a structural analysis rather than merely mentioning all of the numbers as they fall and rise. If you can turn everything into a verbalized understanding of the graph, it will improve how readable the essay is.
s410377088 11 / 22 4  
Oct 26, 2019   #3
1. since there are only two groups comparing, you should not use the word "all", which means you are comparing more than 3 groups~

2. several grammatic problems like run-on sentence appear in your article. try to avoid it~~

3. ... numbers of male graduates students who is boys


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