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IELTS Task 1 - Graph of employment rates in Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, UK, New Zealand, and US

kacanakya 5 / 12 3  
Jul 9, 2017   #1
The graph below shows information of employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.


Employed people in 6 countries - statistics

The graph displays the rates of employment in Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, UK, New Zealand, and USA in 1995 and 2005. The data is divided into male and female.

In all six countries, male employment rates overcome those of female. One of the widest gaps was seen in Australia. Male rate went to almost 60 percent while female was less than 30 percent in 1995. The gap was still as wide in 2005, with the male reaching to almost 70 percent and the female to almost 40 percent. Iceland and New Zealand also showed considerable gap between female and male employment rates. On the other hand, the differences between the sexes in Switzerland, UK, and USA were not as notable.

Overall, all countries experienced growth in employment rates, both for male and female. The amount of growth was similar for each countries. which was in the range of 10 to almost 20 percent. The highest in 1995 went to the male group in Iceland at 70 percent. Iceland continued to hold the record for the highest employment rate in 2005 with its male residents at over 80 percent.

DoctorWho - / 46 29  
Jul 9, 2017   #2
Hey Katya!

It's written well overall.

Start the description by speaking about the general picture : the rise in occupation among men and women in all countries where the survey was done. Then proceed with the specific and intricate changes in each country during the 20 year time gap while also providing comparison with the other countries.

Instead of using the term 'male rates/female rates' over and over, try using other terms such as employment among men/ women or other sentences. This helps to avoid repetition of phrases and emphasizes on the fact that you have a wide vocabulary.

Good Luck! :)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,364 3367  
Jul 9, 2017   #3
Katya, in your opening statement, always make sure that you present a proper overview of the information that you will be presenting in the essay. In your summary, you failed to indicate the included years of coverage that your summary analysis will be providing. Since the opening statement is expected to properly outline the discussion and over a glimpse into the required information for discussion, your summary will lose points for being an incomplete paraphrase of the graph provided. Your body paragraphs will also be scored down for not properly indicating digits related to the data for the countries of Iceland, New Zealand, and other countries other than Australia. This is a very lazily written analytical summary that does not bode well for you as a future researcher or masters degree student. Bear in mind that this essay test must prove that you have the analytical skills and ability to research and understand masters degree level information for use in your master thesis or dissertations. You should be able to show how you would properly utilize any given information. You failed to do that in this essay and that, is a very sorry thing. This lack of analytical ability or simply, a disregard for a thorough study of the information presented in the illustration shall result in your failure to pass this test or get an extremely low, barely passing score.

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