Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

IELTS Task 1: Graph of employment rates in three sectors of UK economy

tommyph 1 / -  
Jul 10, 2017   #1
Hi everyone. Please help me to correct my task 1 writing. Can you suggest other words that I can use to make my writing better in terms of lexical resource. Thank you.

public, self-employment sectors and private area in the UK

*The graph highlights data about the proportion of people who were employed in three economic sectors in the UK, over a decade between 2000 and 2010.
*Overall, what stands out from the graph is that there were significant upward trends in the figures for public and self-employment sectors, while private area underwent a dramatic decline over the period in question. Another interesting point is that, in 2000, private sector had the highest employment rate among all, but the figure for public sector was higher than those for the others in 2010.

*Looking at details, as regards public sector, the percentage started at nearly 40% in 2000. Having remained stable in the first three years, it then went up sharply to just under 50% in 2005. Following that, there was a remarkable decrease by around 5%, but the proportion soon recovered in the next year. Finally, the figure went through a consistent rise to approximately 52%, reaching its all-time high. The same overall trend was applied for self-employment area. Having fluctuated around 20%, the proportion then rocketed to about 28% in 2008. Subsequently, it kept levelling off at 30% until 2010.

*By contrast, the percentage of private sector went in opposite direction. It decreased considerably from around 48% to just over 40% in 2002. Despite stabilizing the next year, it then fell steadily over the second half of the period to hit its trough of 20% in 2010.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,025 2715  
Jul 10, 2017   #2
Tommy, you need to practice better analytical skills when writing these essays. In this exercise, your lack of complete analysis resulted in an incomplete summary overview of the included information for discussion. It can also do with a better paraphrasing of the original instruction because at the moment, it still sounds highly similar to the original and therefore, doesn't really show an increased lexical resource on your part. Unfortunately, there is no way that you can increase your lexical resource capacity overnight. Not even if you try to memorize a whole synonym and antonym book will that work. A vocabulary is something that you build over time. So don't aim to create complex sentences right from the start. Instead, aim to write accurate simple sentences first. You are not being scored on the "complex" words that you are using, you are being scored on the accuracy of your sentences and word usage. So using simple sentences will be just as effective as using complex words, provided it is used in the right manner. If you want to continue to build your English vocabulary, then the only thing you can do is to continue reading and writing in English. There is nothing more than you can do other than that. Always have a dictionary handy, there is an app for that, so that you can immediately look up a word meaning. Then try to remember the words and how it was used. If you are lucky, you will find an opportunity to use the word in an essay you will be writing.
hi021132 6 / 11 4  
Jul 21, 2017   #3
Hi, other than the description of trends of three curve, mentioning the changes in ranking of the three sectors throughout the years is recommended. In this task, you may state that private sector employment rate ranking dropped from 1st in 2000 to 3rd in 2010. I hope my opinions can help. Keep improving.
Kaylee - / 9  
Jul 21, 2017   #4
I think with this line graph, you should only mention the first and the last year and also special
years and you also need to make comparisons among three sectors.
LadyOfClockwork 25 / 79 20  
Jul 23, 2017   #5
I believe your opening sentence of your third paragraph could have been more concise:

Looking at details, as regards public sector... =>
With regard to the public sector, its employment stayed stable at around 37% in the first three years.
YuAnne 3 / 6 1  
Jul 23, 2017   #6
Hello Tommy,
I believe the suggestion above has been already helpful. Personally, I think you can use more academic words in your essay, and just for one more detail, I think the word data in the first sentence can be better replaced by figure.
jadeatoz 2 / 8  
Jul 23, 2017   #7
I think you should use more fixed words which are necessary for Task 1. There is no need to use such complex sentences, simplicity is perfect. I recommend you to join the Simon's video course to improve your skill, it must be much greater. Try your best!
Red Moon 14 / 32 6  
Aug 6, 2017   #8
I think your second body paragraph is too short and you need to make more comparisons ( You can read other samples on the Internet to see how people analyse this chart and compare the information) . You can add some more grammar structures in your essay, but not the complex ones, because you can easily make mistakes and some complex grammars make your essay confusing.

Like @jadeatoz, I recommend Simon's IELTS page, because his methods are easy to understand but still effective.

If you have some time, help me with my practice essays for IELTS.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Graph of employment rates in three sectors of UK economy