Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

TASK 1:The graph illustrates the number of Chinese, Japanese and Indian students who enrolled ...


dinhquynhmai 3 / 5 4  
Jul 30, 2020   #1
Hi guys. Please leave your comment on my essay.

number of students who entered the North Dean University



Topic: The graph illustrates the number of Chinese, Japanese and Indian students who enrolled at North Dean University over a five-year period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows information about how many students of three different countries enter North Dean University from 1996 to 2003.

Overall, it can be seen from the graph that there was a considerable upward trend in the number of students of both China and India, while the amount of Japanese students experienced a sharp fall over the period in question.

Regarding the Japanese enrolments, the number started at over 100 students in 1999, then there was a dramatical decline over the next two years. Having remained stable at approximately 40 students during a next year, the figure then decreased swiftly to around 30 in 2003.

By contrast, the number of Chinese students, who opt North Dean University went in the opposite direction. This figure rose gradually between 1999 and 2000 then rocketed significantly and reached almost 100 students in 2003. Similarly, there was a gradual increase in number of Indian students, finishing at around 80 students in 2003.




Holt [Contributor] - / 9,025 2714  
Jul 31, 2020   #2
158 words helps you meet the minimum word count, but it doesn't help you increase your scoring potential. The aim is to highlight your analytical and writing skills in this report essay. So the magic number should be anywhere from 175-190 words. By writing that many words, you will be able to truly highlight your writing skills based on all 4 scoring considerations.

You should complete your summary overview. Always pattern it after the given information in the original discussion instruction. It will be best if you restate the topic based on the original presentation, then add the other information from the chart in relation to data presentation. The data to be added are:

- Name of the countries
- Years involved in the measurement
- measurement count (percentage, thousands, etc.)

From there, you will have properly outlined the discussion to meet the 3-5 sentence format. Your overall presentation is composed of run-on rather than simple and complex sentences. You need to cut down your sentence to a proper mix of the aforementioned sentence types. That means you will also be spreading out your information within the 3-5 sentence format, which is a requirement for all 3 paragraph presentations.
hyperephania 10 / 27  
Aug 1, 2020   #3
I find this "the period in question" somewhat confusing. You might change it as "the same period", or the "aforementioned period".
Also, I believe you skipped a comma between University and went in "who opt North Dean University went in the opposite direction", as well as opt should have been in past simple tense.


Home / Writing Feedback / TASK 1:The graph illustrates the number of Chinese, Japanese and Indian students who enrolled ...