Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The Graph Below Shows The Average Number Of Vietnamese Students Studying In France, America And RU

L_i_n_h_coi 1 / -  
Sep 19, 2022   #1
The given line graph illustrates how many students in Vietnam taking part in the different three countries, namely France, Russia, and America over 15 years, starting from 2000.

Overall, it is clear that the quantities of France and America saw an increase over the period shown, while the opposite was true for Russia. Also, over the first five years, those for France were the highest. But, after that, Vietnamese students studying in America took the lead.

In 2000, nearly 3.5 million students in Vietnam who applied to France, higher than those for Russia and America, at 3.0 and around 1.5 million respectively. Five years later, America witnessed a significant increase of 500 thousand in the number of students in Vietnam. On the contrary, there was a decrease of approximately 1 million in applying to Russia and France.

From the year 2010 onwards, the number of Vietnamese students attending school rose in all three nations. In 2010, the data of France remained constant at roughly 2.5 million before increasing to just over 4.5 million in 2015. In contrast, that in America grew continually and reached a peak of 5 million in 2015. While Russia witnessed a continual drop until 2010, and then this number rose slightly to 2.5 million at the end of the period.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,223 4319  
Sep 20, 2022   #2
2 things immediately seen as incorrect in this presentation:
- the word count is almost 250 words when the requirement is 150-200 words only (due to time limitations)
- The 3 paragraph essay was stretched to 4 paragraphs. 4 paragraphs are required only for 2 or more image comparisons

There is no proper summary overview presented. In its place is a run-on sentence which does not have a proper information dissemination focus. Each of the information provided in the long sentence should have a stand alone presentation piece to meet the C+C requirements of the paragraph.

The trending statement is not presented as such. The writer created a reporting paragraph rather than a trending paragraph based on the writing he used for the presentation. Therefore, the presentation is incomplete in terms of formatting. Merely using the word "overall" does not create a trending sentence / statement. The presentation needs to focus on only 1 common trend among the countries provided.
DanielDang 1 / 2  
Sep 20, 2022   #3
I think your overview is quite confusing, instead you could just focus on 2 main features, the first one is the number of student compares to 3 countries, the second one is the trends of 3 figures, for example, the figure for USA and France increased while Russia decreased. For the line graph, it would be better to focus on the starting and the ending point of the line and compare it.

Home / Writing Feedback / The Graph Below Shows The Average Number Of Vietnamese Students Studying In France, America And RU