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IELTS Task 1: The graph shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days


Serapke 8 / 14  
Jan 20, 2014   #1
The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.

A line graph provides information about the main trends in the demand of electricity during winter and summer in England, while a pie chart illustrates what electricity is used for in an average English household.

The first graph reveals that people are using more electricity in winter than in summer. The consumption of electricity during typical day in winter is between 30,000 and 44,000 units, whereas in summer people usually use only from 12,000 to approximately 20,000 units of electricity. Both in winter and summer the high peaks of electricity usage is met at about 9 or 10 PM. The least demand for electricity happens to be in early mornings between four and nine.

The second chart explains why the usage of electricity in different times of the year has such a sharp contrast. The pie char shows that 52.5% of the electricity in an average English home is used for heating process. Moreover, ovens, kettles and washing machines consumes 17.5% of electricity followed closely by the house lighting, TVs and radios which cover 15% of the electricity in an average English household. The same amount of electricity is utilized for vacuum cleaners, food mixers and other electric tools.

Overall, it seems that the amount of electricity used during the day is coherent to the need of keeping the house warm.
221 words




SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Jan 20, 2014   #2
word "English" is commonly using for mentioned language or something refers to the linguistic. England or UK (United Kingdom) is more suitable in this writing. To mention UK people, I suggest you use "Briton"

The pie char shows that 52.5% of the electricity in an average English home is used for heating process.

chart

Overall, it seems that the amount of electricity used during the day is coherent to the need of keeping the house warm.
221 words

this sentence is unnecessary.
OP Serapke 8 / 14  
Jan 20, 2014   #3
Thank you for your corrections. Though, I am a bit confused. Why don't I need the last sentence? I thought the conclusion is necessary for these kind of written works.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 20, 2014   #4
Moreover, ovens, kettles and washing machines consumes 17.5% of electricity followed closely by the house lighting, TVs and radios which cover 15% of the electricity in an average English household.

in the first verb (consumes)
I think, you should use consume (without 's') because the subjects are plural..

the second verb (cover) is already 'right'
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Jan 20, 2014   #5
My mistaken. I means just '221 words'. While I read its like part of your conclusion.

Please give me feedback for my writing
ARIA 16 / 43 1  
Jan 23, 2014   #6
Hi Serapke
I think your introduction is very good and you can also add a kind of overview at the end of it.
The only thing I found is that your third paragraph seems to be misleading,
The second chart explains why the usage of electricity in different times of the year has such a sharp contrast...

because the pie chart does not show the differences in consumption between winter and summer and it is about the whole proportion of consumption. The best point in interpreting of the IELTS task 1 you get in comparison of data rather than just description of that. Therefore try to compare different proportions in pie chart instead of just describing.

good luck


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