Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The graph below shows how elderly people in Europe spent their free time between 1980 and 2010


yenlinh20050911 1 / -  
Feb 3, 2021   #1
free time activities among older generation

The line graph gives information about kinds of free time activities that elderly people in Europe do from 1980s to 2010s. Overall, the rate of hiking increased significantly. On the other hand, playing sport remained the most stable compared to others.

In the period between 1980s and 1990s, all activities increased considerably, only theatre dropped sharply, from 50% in 1980s to 30% in 1990s. Among five activities, playing sport is the most common one with the rate of more 60%. Mean while, surfing the Internet is the lowest with only around under 10% of the graph.

Over the 20-year period, the rate of all five activities changed dramatically. In 2010s, the rate of hiking reached the highest point, at 80% and became the most popular activity. At the same time, surfing the Internet also had an impressive increasing, from only 10% in 1990s to 50% in 2010s. Additionally, the fluctuation of reading can be noticed when it reached the lowest point, at 20% in 2000s but grew immediately in the next 10 years with the rate of 60%. Even though the percentage of playing sport decreased in 2010s but not remarkable and theatre was thought to be the most stable among five activities.




Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3353  
Feb 4, 2021   #2
In the summary overview, the sentence prior to your trending statement should have been the enumeration of the 6 activities listed in the graph. This will be the earlier mention of the activities, which will help the reader better understand what information is contained in the graph and how it relates to the trending statement that you presented.

The second paragraph is acceptable in terms of delivering a summarized highlight report of the graph. However, there are not enough comparison points to refer to the portions of the graph where there are overlapping information or meeting points for similar measurements. At least one reference to that point would have helped you better meet the "make comparisons where relevant" requirement.

The report itself is already worthy of a passing score on all counts. It meets most of the requirements of the task 1 essay. One concern of mine though, is that you have written 203 words for an essay that requires only 175-190 words. The essay itself must be completed within 20 minutes which is why the more conservative word count is always advised. You always should leave a pocket of time, at least 10 minutes, to review the essay for improvement points, corrections, and deletions (if required). Although you may be able to type fast, it is not the number of words that will get you a better score in the task 1 essay. It is the better analysis of the data and, lack of errors as per each scoring consideration that can help you do that. You can achieve that through proof reading your essay prior to submission. Hence the time allowance for editing the essay content.


Home / Writing Feedback / The graph below shows how elderly people in Europe spent their free time between 1980 and 2010