The graph shows information about kinds of important communication ability which asked to workers in 1997 and 2006. The most significant facts from the graph are that skills which asked by surveyors divided into 2 types are internal and external communication. The most esential skill according the survey is dealing with people.
As can be clearly seen, almost all of percentage of people who answer the survey was increased, besides selling a product of service was moderate decrease from 24 in 1997 to 21 in 2006. The most grow up percentage was listening carefully to collegues, from 38 in 1997 and rose dramatically to 47 in 2006. Otherwise, the ability of planning the activities of other just rose slightly by 1 in 2006.
The graph also shows that dealing with people was most popular answer than other. Even the percentage of that increase from 60 in 1997 to 65 in 2006.
Hallo alfin kurnia.. it is nice to read your essay. However, i have found some mistakes in your essay. let me to give you severa notes!
1. Why you did not upload the picture for this essay ? if you do not have the picture file just search in google and use the question as a keyword. If you could not find the picture just take the graph picture from book use your camera than upload it. You will make your reader confuse if you did not put any picture here. Please avoid this mistake in your next essay.
2. You did not put any overview in your essay. You have to know that overview is crucial for ielts writing task 1. If you read band descriptor, even in band 5 you need to put your overview although it is not clear. You can use word "OVERALL" to give sign on your overview sentence, thus the reader will realize it that you already give your overview in your introduction paragraph. You can open this link takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/IELTS_task_1_Writing_band_descriptors.pdf to know more about IELTS writing task 1 band descriptor.
3. I also cannot find your measured in your introduction. Three main items that you have to concern on your introductory paragraph are You must paraphrase your question well, and you write the measure of your question, if there are further information about time and place you need to put those on the paraphrasing sentence. After that you put your overview in the following sentence, which depict the major changes or predominant things that you can conclude from the graph.
4. For your first body paragraph, it should explain your first overview, and from the first sentence reader should be able to know how you grouping your essay. First, you have immensely unclear grouping in your essay because you did not put any overview here. Next, you have to make it with smooth flow sentece. You can use cohesive device to give a sign in different sentence.
good luck :-) :-) :-)
... of important communication
abilityabilities which asked to ...
... are that skills which IS asked (PASSIVE VOICE) by surveyors divided ...
... people who answer the survey
was increased (DOUBLE VERB) , besides selling ...
... was listening carefully to
colleguescolleagues , from 38 in 1997...
dear Alfin these are my advice
1. I found that there is little mistake in spelling such esential I think that the correct word is essential, it is better if you check first before uploaded.
2. at the moment i read your overview, it is impressive overview however you should try to cover all content which is showed by chart.
3. your body is good but i think it will better if you make good grouping body one and body two divided with specific content.
Hello, this is my correction for you
esentialessential skillskills according (remember that the word "most" must be followed by plural noun)
... people who answer the survey
(remember that the subject is "people" that are plural noun and you must use plural verb too)
dealing with people
waswere most popular (remember that people are plural noun)
Even though people is plural, I think the correct version is: "dealing with people WAS" - not "WERE."