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The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island

wilu 1 / 1  
Nov 14, 2020   #1
Please help!! It's my task 1:

number of visitors in some caribbean island

The graph demonstrates the quantiity of visitors to a particular Caribbean island between 2012 and 2017 in three different lines: Visitors dtaying on cruise ships, on island and tthe total. Overall, there were many changes throughout the period.

The most striking point is that, despite many differences in visitors' choice of living places among the period, the total of them gradually increased and reached its peak of 3.5 millions in the end. At first, the number of visitors staying on iland was 0.75 millions, which was 0.5 millions higher than that of visitors staying on cruise ships. Additionally, after two years, it had risen to 1.5 millions, contributed ¾ to the total. Hence, it remained the same for three years and lost the higher position to the other category. Quantity of visitors staying on cruise ships, in contrast, had an unstable proccess in the first three years. After that, it had risen dramatically and took the bigger contribution of 2 millions in 2017

Briefly, although the number of visitors staying on island had always being the higher for the fisrt five years, the other category had had an noticeable rise in the last two years, taking the bigger contribution

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,277 3982  
Nov 15, 2020   #2
The original instruction said you were given a graph. In your actual writing, you need to identify the type of graph for clarity sake. So it is a line graph, not just a graph. Good work identifying the sources of the measurement but you forgot to identify the measurement type (by the millions). You also misplaced the trending statement as a part of the second paragraph instead of using it as the final sentence of the summary overview. The second paragraph would have been stronger if you did not include the trending statement in that presentation. The total discussion should have been the trending statement in this presentation.

You did a good job with differentiating the presentation methods from the normal count to fractions, and the like. However, you should have discussed the island and cruise ship visitors more clearly, using proper references, in separate paragraphs. At this point, the second paragraph became too long and confusing to read. This would have an effect on your C&C score.

You were not careful with your grammar usage in this presentation. You have several spelling errors, which you would have caught if you had bothered to review you work first. You also have problems with formality in presentation as you use contractions in the presentation (don't = do not). Remember that in formal writing, all words are spelled out contractions and abbreviations must be avoided whenever possible.
OP wilu 1 / 1  
Nov 15, 2020   #3
Thank u for your advice. I greatly appreciate your kindness❤️❤️

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