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The graph shows the number of West Indians and Indians and Pakistanis Immigrating to the UK


billyabbot 2 / 5  
Sep 24, 2015   #1
The line chart demonstrates the number of immigrants to the Great Britain from the West India region and from the India and Paskistan during the period between 1960 and 1990.

Overall, the figure for people immigrating to the UK increased steadily in the whole time in two different regions, in which the Indians and Pakistanis experienced more stable rise than West Indians throuhout the period.

First, in 1960, the number of people in India subcontinent migrated to the UK was about 4 thousands people higher than West Indiamen. This trend continued to 1972 but two areas almost equally to 5 thousand of people. From 1972, the West India witnessed a sharp fluctuation period after that peaked at 35.000 people immigrating the United Kingdom while the India and Pakistan kept a gradual growth of about 4 thousand to 1978 in pior to a slow fall in 1980.

From 1980 to 1990, there were wild flutuation in two areas during the years. The number of immigrating people in West India decreased significanty by varying degress and stood at around 7 thousand of people. Whistl, the trend for subcontinent was upward after saw an dramatic surge in 1982. The figures kept fluctuated, last reached the highest number of migrating people at 27.000.

(209words)



vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Sep 25, 2015   #2
Hiep, your overview seems a bit short. Most overviews, regardless of which essay test you are preparing for, contain a minimum of 3 sentences. You only have 1 sentence. Try to cut your statement into 3 parts to meet the requirement. Are you absolutely sure that you were able to properly introduce the prompt topic and your thesis in the introduction / overview? The overview is one of the most important parts of your essay so please make sure that you develop it properly.

There are a number of grammatical concerns that need to be addressed in your essay. Let me show you the corrections that I suggest you make to those parts. Let's start with:

immigrants to Great Britain

from India and Pakistan (Spellcheck for the name of the country)

increased steadily in two different regions, (avoid redundancies)

experienced A more stable rise than West Indians THROUGHOUT the period

people in THE INDIAN subcontinent

4 THOUSAND (Plural form)

continued INTO 1972

almost EQUALED 5 thousand PEOPLE

From 1972 WEST INDIA WITNESSED

period that peaked at

immigrating TO the United Kingdom

while India and Pakistan

1978 PRIOR to a slow fall in 1980.

wild FLUCTUATIONS

during THESE years

of MIGRATING people

WHILE the trend for THE subcontinent

SEEING A dramatic

kept FLUCTUATING AND last reached

Please note the suggested corrections when revising your essay. Take note of the spellcheck suggestions and review your plural forms. Some words have the same word used for singular and plural form as in the case of 4 thousand, which connotes a large value number.


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