Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

IELTS ESSAY- Graphic describing; Differences of an island


huyenanh1508 5 / 10 1  
Jun 26, 2013   #1
The two maps below show differences of an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.
Before the construction, there was noone living on the island. Coconut trees situated on the west and north side of the island. Sea covers around the Island.There was a beach, but there was nobody swimming.

After the construction, the island is highly populated. People have also built a pier, in order to improve its tourismus. Now people from the land have the chance to explore a newly founded island. All kind of boats such as sailboats, yachts, ships and so on can anchor on this pier.While staying on the Island, tourists can accomodate in the local hotel and enjoy seafood in the local restaurant. For relaxation purposes, they can swim on the beach, which is not so far away from the hotel.

The economical situation of the island is now improved. This island is not a wild island anymore. The nature here is now being used for commercial purposes from the people. It is now up to the people, whether this island can conserve its good wilderness or not.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jun 26, 2013   #2
Where are the maps? You can upload them using "attach file" option. Make sure that you have the images with your writing because then only we can provide you with more relevant feed backs.

The two maps below show differences of an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.

... differences in what terms? You need to introduce them.

Before the construction, there wasnooneno one living onin the island.

...."nobody" is a better word.

Sea covers around the Island

.... Island means a mass of land covered by the sea and therefore this sentence is not meaningful. Is it something else you try to mean?

After the construction, the island is highly populated.

After construction of new facilities, the island has become highly populated.
jenny90 2 / 2  
Jun 26, 2013   #3
The two maps below show

--> You can not use the word "below" here because there are no maps in your test paper. Besides, you can use some academic words like "reveal","illustrate" in stead of "show".

Most of the sentences in your essay is simple sentences. Why don't you use a little bit more complex sentences to get higher mark?
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 26, 2013   #4
The economical situation

the economic situation

It is now up to the people, whether this island can conserve its good wilderness or not.

I wonder if this is mentioned on the map or it is just your personal opinion.

All kind of boats

all kinds of boats
OP huyenanh1508 5 / 10 1  
Jun 27, 2013   #5
i can not copy the pdf file to upload the graphic, what should i do ???
OP huyenanh1508 5 / 10 1  
Jun 27, 2013   #7
this is the graphic :) finally





Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY- Graphic describing; Differences of an island