The graphs compared Japan and Malaysia in terms of five categories of average family expenses - 2010

household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia

The graphs compared Japan and Malaysia in terms of five categories of average family expenses in 2010.

Overall, in both nations, housing and other goods and services accounted for the largest percentage in 2010. By contrast, families in Japan and Malaysia spent a negligible amount of their budget on healthcare.

In Japan, exactly 20% expenditure was spent on transport, that is 2 times larger than the percentage of their counterparts in Malaysia. In terms of food, the figure for Japan slightly less than that of Malaysia, at 24% and 27% respectively. Families in Malaysia just spent 3% of their budget on health care that was half of their spending plan in Japan.

In Japan, the largest expense was for others good and services, at 29%, while the figure for Malaysia was higher, at 36%. However, spending on housing of Malaysians was 34% which was 13% larger than those of Japanese. (150 words)

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Hello Van Phuc Bui !

The graphs compared Japan and Malaysia,
I think the word compared should be change to compare, in introduction part, you can use simple present tense

housing and other goods and services accounted for the...
I think, you should add "were" accounted to make it passive form

thatis 2 times larger than
Change with was

that was half of their spending
i think, it is better to remove this word, because it is vague whom it refers to

In Japan, the largest expense was for others good and services
i think you can change how you start the paragraph, because it is repeated

I'd suggest you to explain more detail about health care, because you put it at overall paragraph. In short, your writing is good enough.

Phuc, you have not written enough words to portray a complete analysis of the pie charts. Do not aim to write only the exact number of minimum words for the Task 1 essay because that means you will miss out on several key information points that will have an effect on your GRA, TA and C&C scores.

For instance, you did not present a complete summary for the opening statement of this essay. Missing from your presentation are information about the data used for the comparison, which means you have to list the comparison points located in the pie chart. These would be housing, transport, food, etc. That is because the information overview should inform the reader about what the upcoming discussion paragraphs will be about. You also misidentified the image supplied for the comparison. Part of the TA consideration is the reliability of your information. So not properly indicating what image you were provided for comparison purposes will affect the way the examiner reads your analysis report. Your trending statement is also unclear as you are presenting a comparison instead of a single trend occurring in the image.

Next, even though you can complete your basic information presentation within 2 sentences, that does not mean you did a good job in discussing it. If you do not lengthen your presentation to at least 3 sentences, you are not fully comparing the information from the chart. You are merely stating it as you see it. Try to be consistent with your paragraph presentations so that you can get a higher C&C and GRA score. Write at least 3 sentences per paragraph so you can achieve something close to that scoring consideration.

Do not start 2 successive paragraphs with the same reference. Saying "In Japan" twice in such close proximity of paragraphs means you are not even trying to vary your sentence presentations. So you are not aiming to create complex sentences that can help to improve your score. If you said "In Japan" already, you can next say "With regards to... Malaysia shows that... While in Japan..." Sentence presentation variation matters in a task 1 essay due to the possible redundancy of information presentation that could increase the risk of reader fatigue and stress.

This is a good start. You are showing the potential to score well in an actual test, just not at this very moment and not with this essay. Maybe your next essay will be closer to achieving that.