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The graphs below presents data about computer ownership as a percentage of the population, 2002-2010


tom73217321 1 / 5  
Oct 24, 2017   #1
Topic: The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

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owning peronal computer - in numbers



The given diagrams indicate information about ownership of computer as a percentage of the people between 2002 and 2010, and by different levels of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

It seems that the people having computer had been increasing stablely since 2002. Then, it reached approximately 75% in 2010.

Moreover, it is worthy of attention that the people who have the higher level of education (postgraduate qualification) were more likely to have the computer, while the people who have the lower level of that (no high school diploma) probably less.

What's more, it shows that there were more people having the computer in 2010 comparing to 2002. For example, although those people with no high school diploma were only around 10% in 2002, the percentage of those with that was 4 times to 2002 in 2010.

In conclusion, there was a steady rise in computer ownership between 2002 and 2010. Having the higher education level, the people were more likely to get a computer in any year.

It is my first time to do the task one of writing in Ielts. Plz rate my writing and give some opinion to me. Thx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




just_writer 24 / 42 5  
Oct 24, 2017   #2
Hello,

You should not have a paragraph with just one sentence. each paragraph, at least needs 3 sentences.

the higher is not the correct grammar, you should either write the highest or just higher than.

In the introduction, you said "information about ownership of computer as a percentage"
It is better to say "the percentage of computer owners"

And also you must use paraphrasing in the introduction. You just copied now.
nemezidus 5 / 13 7  
Oct 24, 2017   #3
@tom73217321
Ben, hi, here are my observations and suggestions:

1. In the IELTS WT1 you are expected to organize your answer as a paraphrase of the question and 3 paragraphs . The first one is an overview - 2 to 3 sentences. You should mark only general trends here with no references to specific numbers or data. 2nd paragraph may be devoted to first bar chart. the 3rd may be devoted to the second bar chart.

You first paragraph can start with your first sentence.
Overall, it seems that the quantity of people having computers had been increasing stably since 2002. Both in 2002 and 2010 a clear link between the level of education and the share of persons owning computers can be observed: groups of individuals with higher levels of education include more members who have a computer.

2nd paragraph:
In 2002 as much as 57% of all the population owned a computer. The share of people having a computer kept increasing through the period reaching a peak at almost 78% in 2010.

3rd paragraph:
The second figure shows that the amount of people in all the five categories by level education owning a computer in 2010 increased compared to 2002.
In 2002 only 15% of individuals who don't have a high school diploma used to have a computer, but this number has doubled to reach 40% in 2010.

The least increase in number of people having a computer was observed among those who obtained a postgraduate qualification - not more than 15%.


2. There no conclusions in WT1. I also recommend to avoid giving your opinion [probably, more likely]. Your essay should only describe the facts.

3. There are also numerous grammar mistakes and misspelled words. Please pay attention to it.

4. As a side note, I believe bar charts are the least demanding in terms of special vocabulary (unlike line graph when you have to know all the synonyms for rise/increase/go up/ augment etc.

Hope you find this helpful
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,847 2635  
Oct 25, 2017   #4
Ben, you cannot score higher than a 4 with this essay because of the way that the format of the essay is presented. In terms of scoring considerations, your Task accuracy is severely flawed due to the fact that you did not accurately paraphrase and summarize the discussion at this point. Therefore, you were not able to properly explain to the reader what the diagram is all about and why it is important to share these facts, as well as make comparison points. This is the reason why the ideas that you present the essay lack a clear paragraph development in its explanation. Leaving the reader hanging as to the more accurate presentation of information based on the chart that you saw.

Remember that the assumption is that the reader does not have access to the image. So the more complete your image presentation in the analysis, the more accurate the information you present, the better your score will be. You don't really have the capacity to develop more than simple sentences in this essay. That is because you kept your sentences long, rather than short. When you present shorter sentences, the ability to develop a more complex presentation becomes higher.

While you can write the WT1 essay without a conclusion, you may also write it with one. The conclusion is actually optional and should only be (optionally) presented if a trending discussion is not presented in the summary overview. Basically, you should get a decent score if you manage to write well developed paragraphs in the essay within 4 paragraphs at the most.
OP tom73217321 1 / 5  
Oct 25, 2017   #5
Thx so much. I am going to improve it.


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