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The great advertising affects people's willing of purchasing - Ielts work


LUCYLUCY 1 / 1  
Mar 10, 2018   #1
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

consumers and the advertising



It is true that great advertising might affect people's willing of purchasing. However, I do not agree that the public will buy useless products simply because they saw the fantastic advertisements.

On the one hand, advertising is a good chance to deliver the concept and the content of a product to its potential consumers. It provides opportunities for the audiences to have a better understanding of a product and to be able to visualize the experiences of using without taking a look at the shops even they have never use it before. This could save consumer's time and money to try different products therefore some people do purchase the goods after seeing the advertisements on TV, on the roads or in the newspaper.

On the other hand, people are unlikely to buy every product they saw on interesting advertisements because of the limited budget. It is true that a few people might impulsive buying things after seeing the advertisements, yet most of people are rational. Advertisements may only enlarge their list of shopping, but could not alter the decision to buy practical goods. Another reason why advertising plays an unimportant role in consumers' shopping behavior is that most of people simply regard advertisements as the entertainments when they are waiting for buses or TV programs.

In conclusion, advertising might has the chance to increase the possibility of purchasing behavior, yet the rational consumers would still regard the real needs as the most important thing when buying the products.

TJLuschen - / 245 191  
Mar 11, 2018   #2
Hi, your writing is well-organized and you obviously have a pretty good command of English. That being said, I don't think you have addressed the prompt as directly as you should have. The prompt talks about "popular consumer goods" - I am thinking Iphones, Levi's jeans, Gucci bags, and whatever else is in style these days (sorry, I am old). So what explains the popularity of these consumer goods? Is it advertising? It is that people really need Gucci bags? So these are the types of questions I would expect your essay to answer. You have written about the benefits and limitations of advertising, which is pretty close to the topic presented, but I don't think it is exactly spot-on. Here are some specific suggestions I would make for your usage:

It is true that great advertising might affect people's [willingness to purchase products].

the content of a product {"the content of a product" sounds a bit odd to me}

the experiences of using {I would add an object here - maybe "product" or "item" or just "it" } without

even [though] they have never [used] it before.

time and money [spent trying] different products

advertisements on TV, on [roadside billboards] or in the newspaper.

advertisements because of [their] limited [budgets].

a few people might [impulsively buy] things

yet most of people are rational.

enlarge their [shopping list], but [will] not alter the decision to buy

shopping behavior is that most of people simply regard

advertisements as the [entertainment] {entertainment is uncountable}

advertising might [have] the chance to
OP LUCYLUCY 1 / 1  
Mar 11, 2018   #3
@TJLuschen

Hi TJLuschen, I really appreciate your useful feedback! Thanks a lot :)
And I have just re-written one based on your suggestion.
==================================
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that great advertising would affect people's willingness to purchase products. However, I do not agree that advertising ignore the real social need of the public.

A sense of belonging is very important to human, especially to the teenagers. Young adults, as a result, are likely to buy the products which their peers have already had ones, such as Levi's jeans. Using or wearing identical products would help them to create a stronger bond with each other. Another social need, which plays an important role in fancy goods, is self-achievement. Take bags for example, the function of a bag is actually the same regardless of its brand, yet some people would rather buy a Gucci bag than simply buy one on the streets. It is a kind of a symbol shows that you have the ability to buy such an expensive product.

The cost of shooting advertisements is very high, yet most people simply regard advertisements as the entertainment when they are waiting for buses or TV programs. Therefore, advertisers would definitely carefully consider the real needs of the public before releasing their advertisements on TV, on roadside billboards or in the newspaper. The concept of each advertisement is different based on its target customer. For example, advertisers would try to build an atmosphere to persuade teenagers that they would be popular among their friends if putting on that products.

In conclusion, instead of ignoring, successful advertising catches people's real social needs, which results in the high sales of the popular consumer goods.
TJLuschen - / 245 191  
Mar 11, 2018   #4
Hi LucyLucy, I am glad my comments were helpful. I liked your revision, you have some creative ideas. I think a stronger thesis statement would help - you need to stress that the high sales are driven by real psychological needs that advertisers simply accentuate. You also need to make sure you answer the explicit question given "to what extent do you agree?". Also, your introduction and conclusion are too short. It is important to make sure each paragraph has at least three sentences. Finally, a good topic sentence should give the main topic of its paragraph. See my comments about yours below:

It is true that great [outstanding] {never pass up an opportunity to show off your vocabulary} advertising

agree that advertising [ignores] the real social [needs] {I think people must have more than one need} of the public.

A sense of belonging is very important ... {I think your topic sentence needs to be broader. Your topic sentence should summarize the main point of the paragraph - here your main point is, "often social factors play the key role in the consumption of trendy products "}

important to human, {it would be "humans", but generally only use humans when talking about biology or comparing humans to animals. Here you could say "important to every member or society"} especially to the teenagers.

... buy the products [that] their peers [already have] have already had ones, {or better, "peers have previously purchased" to emphasize that they are following a trend} such as

plays an important role in [the widespread demand for] fancy goods

Take bags for example[;] the function

buy a Gucci bag than simply buy [an off-brand] one on the streets.

a symbol [that] shows

The cost of ... buses or TV programs. {once again, I think a more effective topic sentence would make your argument more clear. This seems like an abrupt shift that does not clearly connect with the previous paragraph. Maybe something like "Savvy advertisers are well-versed in these psychological needs that play such a key role in purchasing decisions and tap into them when crafting their messages."}

popular among their friends if putting on that products. {"if putting on that products" sounds awkward}

In conclusion, instead of ignoring [them], successful advertising catches {"acknowledges" might be better, or "highlights"} people's real social needs,
Sophia Yang - / 1  
Mar 12, 2018   #5
HI LUCY,

Your essay actually seems fine with advanced vocabulary as well as approriate organization that follow Ielts format.
My recommendation is that you had better add some examples in order to demonstrate each of your viewpoint clearly and make your essay more convincing.

For my experience, you can find out more information to use in writing by reading newspaper. Nevertheless, in special circumstances, you are able to give an example from your daily life or somehow just create it on your own as long as it is logical enough.

Goodluck. Im preparing for my Ielts too :)))


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