Unanswered [2] | Urgent [1]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Great number of heated discussions over the issues of smoking prohibition in public areas

hero8991 1 / -  
Nov 10, 2018   #1

smoking should be banned

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned

Hi All,
This is the first time i try to post my practice in writing task 2. i am pleasure to receive your feedback. Thanks
There are a great number of heated discussions over the issues of smoking prohibition in public areas. Many people strongly believe that its absolutely enormous merits. Because of many harms of smoking, I suppose our government to prevent smokers from smoking in public places.

One of the most significant arguments for ban smoking in public areas is the avoiding of harm from smoking. Truly, smoking is injurious to health. When the smoker smoke cigarettes which release kinds of carbon and nicotine which cause damage to not only smokers but also non-smokers were affected by smoking and get diseases. Cancer is among of the most dangerous diseases. To illustrate that, my father was addicted in smoking. As a result, he got a cancer and passed away 10 years ago. Therefore, it is absolutely rational to ban smoking, namely, in such areas.

Moreover, early of recognizing by government, smoking causes serious damage to community health and has some actions to discourage smoking such as setting up special places for smoking, increasing tax and putting cigarette in luxury goods. In many researches illustrated that these actions really useful to discourage people from smoking and reduce the number of people to smoke.

By contrast, a few addicted smokers is feel disadvantage for moving. when they are working at office, they must move to smoking areas.

In conclusion, it is clear that it should be made illegal to smoke in public places. Ban smoking in particular places is the most definitely a positive action. In my opinion, leading to safeguard the health and wealth of society.
D41112266 1 / 2  
Nov 10, 2018   #2
I guess this is an agree and disagree questions and this is my suggestions:
1. in the first paragraph, maybe you should put attention in the coherence of the sentence. First and second sentence may be better if those are combined to be one sentence. for example, many people believe hold a view that smoking in the public areas should be proscribed by the government in terms of the health hazards not only for the smoker but also people around them. I strongly agree with this statement because a cigarrete could trigger various diseases in many people whether they are active or passive smokers as well as influencing young generations to try it.

2. Put your idea in the thesis statement which you will break down into Body 1 and Body 2. therefore, If the question is an agree disagree question, you should focus your idea why you agree or disagree or not putting solutions because the questions did not ask.

3. most significant argument : i think it will be better if you change to be " The main argument or the convincing argument.

4. Overall, you should improve the flow of your sentence more smoothly.

Home / Writing Feedback / Great number of heated discussions over the issues of smoking prohibition in public areas