The greater number of the criminal cases which are perpetrated by young people below 18 year old

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

It is reported that criminal cases which are perpetrated by young people below 18 year old increases. This report goes hand in hand with the frequency of news in television showing crime cases by children. According to psychologists, this trend is mainly caused by the lack of social and emotional education received by children from their parents and teachers. For some reasons, I strongly disagree with this opinion.

To begin with, I extremely believe that parents and teachers make efforts to educate children but sometimes they still use conventional perspective. For example, parents set a regulation the make night curfew to prevent children from coming home late. In this and age, children already have a busy schedule such as attending school until afternoon, taking courses until late evening, not to mention the unfriendly traffic if they live in cities. Aside from these activities, children still need to socialize with their peers to have a memorable youth. Hence, parents and teachers should update their regulations concerning children's night curfew so they do not feel under pressure.

The next reason for violent crimes committed by youngsters is their social environment, it means friends. Children tend to go for particular actions when their friends support them or even involved as well. To look more closely into the aforementioned report, around 80% of these cases were done by a group of teenagers. Therefore, parents and teachers should take the surrounding environment of children into account.

In conclusion, I totally disagree that parents and teachers need to educate children more, both socially and emotionally. However, it is highly suggested that they update education perspectives and be considerate of children's environment.

Trias, your essay does not fully address the main question/ issue. When it comes to the real exam, the assessors are more likely to give you a score of 6 or below with this essay. (See IELTS writing band descriptors task 2). My advice: always understand the prompt prior to writing your essay.


When you simplify this question, it is going to be " Does lack of social and emotional learning (from parents and teachers) result in the rise in a juvenile delinquency ?" If the answer says Yes, reasons should be constructed, and vice versa. Let me give a try:

- YES,... because poor supervision by caregivers affects cognitive, motor, and language development. As a result, young people are less likely to control their ideas and emotions in a positive way, leading them to falsely believe in committing crimes. (this is gonna be paragraph 2)

- NO,... because biological factors have more considerable influence than those aspects. (As seen, it is paragraph 3)
By doing so, your response is in conjunction with the prompt.

Ok, now let's discuss each paragraph of this essay:
Para 1:
- I prefer starting my claim upfront, so examiners will know exactly what the following paragraphs are. For the time being, your claims is vanished, since the last sentence as the thesis did not bring any value. Here is my model sentence for a strong thesis: "I disagree with the previous statement because biological factors play an important role in criminal behavior of a juvenile offender."

- Sentence 1 should be "... the criminal cases... increase..."
- Sentence 2 should be "... showing teenagers committing crimes..."

Para 2:
- I think you are to use "adolescence", instead of "children", since the prompt is asking you to discuss people aged 18 or below. As per Macmillan Dictionary, a child indicates a young person from the time they are born until they are about 14 years old. Always, always, always perusing your prompt more closely, so you won't misinterpret the motion.

- We usually put a comma before "but"
- Sentence 2 should be "... prevent children coming..." As seen, I omit "from"

Para 3 & 4:
- Write " take it into account", or "take into account the surrounding environment..."
- "update education perspectives" drifted away. Rewrite it.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.