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The greatest changes of an attractive island by maximize some novel facilities to improve tourism


Ester Napitupulu 18 / 25 3  
Apr 11, 2016   #1
The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The map illustrates the changes that have occurred at the island by maximize some novel facilities to improve tourism. Overall, it was totally changed.

From the first picture, it can be seen there was only an island with a beach in the west side and some tree on the land. To enhance the tourism, there were two areas of accommodations, the first was about two hundred meters from the beach with some green area at the middle, and the other was on the center of the island, close to green area. Each building had a footpath and each group had circle-shaped with empty area in the middle.

To equip the amenities of travelers a restaurant and reception were built between these regions of accommodation and there was a vehicle track to connect the restaurant and the reception straight to the new pier, there were some sailing ship alongside it. The others facilities were swimming area close to the beach at the west side of the island and some additional tree.




Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Apr 13, 2016   #2
Hey Ester, allow me to give feedback on your essay.

...... increasing some novel ....(Maximize generally used when you are zooming something. something is small and you maximize it by increasing the area or size. Also, when I see the diagram, I do not see an increase rather an addition. So I think you should say that by addition of some facilities. Choose the words carefully, they can change the overall meaning of your sentence. )

I noticed you tend to make mistakes with singular and plural words. Here when you use "some" or "few", it means more than one, so you better write "some trees ".

.....To enhance .... there are now two areas ..... first is about ........ is in the center ......... has a footpath and each group is connected in a circular pattern.

To facilitate the use of amenities for travelers, a restaurant and reception have been built in the middle of two groups of accommodations. (Try to not to write too long sentences.) There is a vehicle .........pier leading to sailing ships. Theother facilities included are swimming .......island along with planting of more trees..

You are talking about "before" and "after", so you have to talk about "past" and "present" and so should be the selection of your verbs. I edited them here to make you understand. Good luck :)
justivy03 - / 2,370 607  
Apr 14, 2016   #3
Hi Ester, below are a few additional modifications from my end.

- atin the island
- by maximizing some novel facilities - what do you mean by "novel facilities" ?
- Overall, it washas totally changed.

- From the first pictureillustration ,
- it can be seen that there
- was only anone island
- atin the middle,
- was onat the center
- of the island, close to the green area.
- had circle-shapedis shaped in circle
- with an empty area in the middle.

- To equip the amenities offor the travelers
- swimming areas close

There you have it Ester, I hope the corrections help you in enhancing your essay and for your succeeding analysis, I hope you follow though with the corrections and not to forget the linking verbs that connects and completes your sentence.


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