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Green Change - "cause and effect" essay


newsha31 19 / 75  
Jan 20, 2010   #1
Hello all. This is an essay i need to write for my english class. Its supposed to be a "cause and effect" essay. I'd be more than glad to hear your ideas and comments on it. (please ignore the caps. I'll get them fixed.) what i really need to know is: 1. does is flow nicely? 2. is the subject clear? 3. does it well inform you?

The Green Change

In my first months of living in the States, a classmate asked me where I had moved from. When I told her I was originally an Iranian, she put on a curious face on, and asked me whether it's true that we rode camels in Iran. "Actually I've never been close to a camel in my life." I replied, not knowing whether to take it as a joke or for serious. As the years went on, and I was asked the same type of questions and gave them same answers like "Yes, women can drive in Iran.", or "Yes, we can choose whom to marry.", and "No, we don't hate Americans." I was quite sure there was something seriously wrong here.

It's not surprising. That is how we've been pictured through decades by media: As terrorists, racist, uncivilized and violent people, and through all these years there has been no one to stand up for us, to make our voices heard and our true picture seen, but I always hoped, that one day someone will rise and change this ugly and false picture. No one ever did, until this last summer; It wasn't a person who rose, but it was a nation.

On June 13th 2009, as the results of Iran's presidential elections were announced to the public stating that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was re-elected, millions of angry voters who believed their votes to other presidential candidates were stolen took off to the streets to protest the results of the election. They called themselves The Greens, the color was a of Mir Hussain Musavi's campaign; a reformist presidential candidate who protesters believed to be the real president. Since that date the Green Movement has changed a lot of things: Besides troubling the regime, it has changed many of Iranians life style. As Ebrahim Nabavi, Iranian satirist and journalist, stated in his article What Happened to Whom?, published in roozonline magazine: "For thirty years Iranians were in their closets, refusing to come out and now it's been thirty days that they've come out, taking into streets, and they're absolutely refusing to go back in."

To this day, the change that The Green Movement's made has passed the geographic borders and it has changed the world. Not only inspiring people in other countries under dictatorship -such as China- but it has changed image of Iranians from terrorists, violent and uncivilized people to a nation who stands and fights for freedom and democracy using modern day techniques.

Iranian protesters were voted to be the Person of The Year in 2,422,345 votes in Time Magazine's 2009 poll; they were ranked first while the second leading person was Steve Jobs with 361,547 votes. "Their courage and determination in the face of a brutal government crackdown demonstrated the depth of their willingness to fight for what they believed in." Time explained.

Maz Jobrani, an Iraninan Comedian living in the States, revealed one of his personal encounters with this change: "A while ago, I got an email where I read that some kids in New York in protest of the way their principal was treating them decided to "go Iranian" on him; meaning the decided to stand up to him and demand their rights. That blew my mind, because as an Iranian kid grown up in America the term Iranian was never used in a positive way like that. It wasn't cool to be Iranian, you couldn't use the term Iranian as standing up to people.", he also added that "the movement has well showed the fact that Iranians want democracy and freedom just as much as any American citizen would want, it has opened a new sharing point for the two nation."

Maybe another point that needed to be corrected about Iran was how modern it really was. If America thinks of Iran as a deserted place with its people dressed in turbans and robes riding in camels, how can we expect it to make any connection or understanding toward Iran? Thankfully, The delusion of Iranians living in an uncivilized world and far from the modern technology was quite shattered as the Green Movement widely took advantage of Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, weblogs and of course cell phones. Iran election was a trending topic on twitter for almost a month. Tens of Facebook pages were created. Hundreds of videos of the protests shot by ordinary people using their cell phones spread on the YouTube overnight, and for the first time, Iranians had a way of showing their true self, without any censorship. It was a door open to Iranians to the world that was never even there before, an opportunity for them to show to the world that they were fighting for the same morals they were. "Iranians struggle for peace and freedom and strive for equality the same as Americans do, and due to the uprising people are becoming more aware of that reality" says Aarya Hashimi, a student in Bellevue College who was born and raised in America. He adds; "the uprising has showed Americans that Iranians aren't all what the media has made them up to be, they are actually real people with similar things such as peace and freedom in mind."

In the last six months a lot of non-Iranians have shown their supports for the protesters; by taking part in demonstrations, by signing petitions and even by making YouTube videos, blogging or twitting about it. "All of a sudden Iran is cool. You get people like U2 playing the bloody Sunday and dedicating it to Iran. Bonjovi, a guy out of New Jersey is singing in Farsi, and you're proud, you're proud to be Iranian. Then you realize a revolution has happened in the world" Maz Jobrani says in his YouTube video "last gasp".

I'm proud too, and very hopeful. This has been just a start -the first step in a long road, but it's been a good start. The Green Movement is young but it has already reached and touched many souls. These days the situation in Iran is getting more and more intense as the government is using more violence against the protesters. On the other hand the people, who now know the true power they hold, are more hopeful. What will happen in Iran's future, I don't know, but one thing is for sure: The world -or at least part of it- will never look at Iran as it did before.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Jan 22, 2010   #2
Since this last June, "going green" has found a new meaning for itself.

Ever since this past June, (is it you who finds this new meaning? or is it everyone?) have found a new meaning for "going green."

"Green" is what protesters against dictatorship in Iran call themselves -the color was a symbol of Mir Hussain Musavi's campaign; a reformist presidential candidate.

Protesters against dictatorship in Iran call themselves "green" to reflect the symbol of Mir Hussain Masavi, a reformist presidential candidate.* I rewrote it to be active voice. also edited the hanging modifier and the semi-colon. a reformist pres. candidate is a person, the campaign is not a person, but something else, so you can not connect the two as you did.

<this seems interesting, I hope you won't mind me rewriting parts of it. re-correct or ignore my comments if they aren't true> <I'll use these arrows for my comments>

[quote=newsha31]Since then t Besides troubling the regime, the Green Movement has changed a lot of things, especially the life styles of many Iranians. "For thirty years Iranians were in their closets, refusing to come out and now it's been thirty days that they've come out of their closets, taking into streets, and they're absolutely refusing to go back in." Ebrahim Nabavi, Iranian satirist and journalist, stated in his article "what happened to whom?" in June.

To this dayToday , the changesthatoft he Green Movement'smade hashave passed the geographic borders and continued on toit has changed the world. Not only inspiring people in other countries under dictatorship such as China, but it has changed the image of Iranians from violent terrorists and uncivilized people to a nationindividuals who/community that stands and fights for freedom and democracy using modern day techniques. <here I'm not sure what fits. are they a group? can you call the Iranians a body/group?>

<why the quotation marks?>"A while ago, I got an email where I read that some kids in New York in protest of the way their principle was treating them decided to "go Iranian" on him; meaning the decided to stand up to him and demand their rights. That blew my mind, because as an Iranian kid grown up in America the term Iranian was never used in a positive way like that. It wasn't cool to be Iranian, you couldn't use the term Iranian as standing up to people." says comedian Maz Jobrani who's been living in the States for more than 30 years. He adds: The movement has well showed the fact that Iranians want democracy and freedom just as much as any American citizen would want, has opened a new sharing point for the two nation.< What are you trying to say here? how does this show cause/effect?>

Tons* of Facebook pages
student* in Bellevue College

Okay, I like the event and all, but how is this a cause and effect essay? Are you saying the cause is the beginning of the Green Movement, and the effect is the realizations and opening of doors in Iran and abroad? You have a lot of quotes. Some are good, others don't quite fit in. You use informal voice several times, but it fits I guess. It flows well, the subject is clear, but you don't mention the going green after the first paragraph. maybe in the conclusion talk about how this greenness is apparent in the changes of people's perceptions of Iran and how this push for reform is green, like a rebirth (or something along those lines). Interesting topic and discussion.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 23, 2010   #3
In his June article "What Happened to Whom?" Ebrahim Nabavi, Iranian satirist and journalist, states: "For thirty years Iranians were in their closets, refusing to come out and now it's been thirty days that they've come out of their closets, taking into streets, and they're absolutely refusing to go back in." (now add a thesis statement that will establish the theme for the whole essay.)

...and I can only pray for them---- this is not a good thing to say. You can do a lot more than that! Let the reader know you feel confident about doing great things.

:-)
OP newsha31 19 / 75  
Feb 21, 2010   #4
thanks a lot guys :)
OP newsha31 19 / 75  
Feb 23, 2010   #5
Okay this essay is due tomorrow and I have to turn in a revised version of the above essay. again, this is a cause and effect essay for my english class. Please help me. thank you :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 25, 2010   #6
I was quite sure there was something seriously wrong here.

What a powerful line this is! When people deeply understand the cultural turbulence that takes place, they really are affected by reading a line like this. How fascinating it is to read the musings of someone who experienced this culture clash as a young scholar...

Wow, this is all so good. I am impressed...

One improvement you can make is to fix this: twitting Twittering
I think the correct word is tweeting, but you should use "Twittering."


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