Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Ielts Task 1: Gross Domestic Product including IT and Service industries in the UK from 1992 to 2000


Nguyet Tran 4 / 8 1  
Feb 13, 2020   #1

components of GDP in the UK



The bar chart illustrates Gross Domestic Product including IT and Service industries in the UK from 1992 to 2000. Units are measured in percentage.

Overall, it can be seen that the proportions of GDP from IT industry are higher than that of from Service industry. Furthermore, the figures showed an increase throughout the year in Service industry where as GDP from IT industry's percentage was fluctuated slightly.

Regarding to the statistics of GDP from IT industry, there was a leap from more than 6 percent to marginally above 8 percent between 1992 and 1994. However, 1996 saw a small plunge which was just a little bit under 8 percent . After that, it kept gradually jumping up to exactly 12 percent in 1998 and around 15 percent in 2000 which was doubled in comparison with the year 1996.

In terms of Service industry, the proportions of GDP in this field grew stably. In 1992, it stood at absolutely 4 percent and moved upward to approximately 8 percent at the end of the period.




Holt [Contributor] - / 8,590 2493  
Feb 14, 2020   #2
The main problem with this report is that you have not maximized the possibility of garnering the highest possible score per bracket in your presentation. That is because you did not write enough of a mix of complex and simple sentences. In fact, 3 of your paragraph presentations fall under the minimum sentence count of 3 per paragraph. These are the paragraphs where you decided to use run-on sentences instead of full stops (period) to help with your information dissemination.

While the grammar of the essay is obviously that of a beginner English level, you managed to make yourself understood for the most part. Your presentation was helped by the fact that you had to do data analysis and presentation, which prevented you from having to develop more advanced sentences. Although, trying to present advanced sentence presentation skills could have helped your GRA score tremendously. There is also a lack of punctuation use throughout your sentences such as the use of a comma and semicolon in some sections.

Please be careful about your punctuation marks in the essay. You have extra spaces between the last word and period in one paragraph. Additionally, do not use uncertain words such as "approximately" in these presentations where the measurements fall clearly on a number assignment within the graph. Always be clear in your presentations.
GATE 8 / 16  
Feb 14, 2020   #3
Your essay is good and understandable which is giving almost all information.
"where as GDP ... percentage was fluctuated slightly."

Since you essay is of 172 words, you can cut few unwanted words from your overview and next para and you can add more in last para by stating the differences in percentage.You can do a total of 180 words which is acceptable in this task.
OP Nguyet Tran 4 / 8 1  
Feb 14, 2020   #4
@Holt: Thank you so much for your valuable feedback. I am working on it, that's exactly what I am struggling for. I will practice again.

Sincere thanks.

@GATE
Thank you for your valuable feedback. I have well noted ^^


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts Task 1: Gross Domestic Product including IT and Service industries in the UK from 1992 to 2000