choice of learning method
Essay topics: Some people believe that students in schools learn better when they study in groups. Others say school students learn better when they study on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, many believe that group learning will be more effective than individual learning for students, whereas, there is a contradictory notion about the superiority of individual learning. In this essay, will explore both sides of the debate and give my opinion.
To begin with, individual learning enhances the concentration of students. This is because learning alone will prevent pupils from distraction from their teammate's discussion. Especially, to a lot of students who are introverts, it is onerous for them to come up with an idea when they are in crowd. Furthermore, studying by their own will improve the ability of working independently. A group include a lot of students in different levels and some are more talented than others will increase the possibility of develop the habit of just relying on these talented students. When they work alone without support from other, they learn by themselves; hence, their other soft skills like researching, seeking, also improve.
On the other hand, group learning has is own benefits. Several students with different strengths and weaknesses can make up for each other. Specifically, if one person gives an idea and other will develop and nourish it, make it to become the best version of this group by giving their perspectives. Human being usually finds hard to realize their own mistakes so working together is a good way to take improve myself by objective and friendly judgment from teammates. Besides, it will improve teamwork skills of students. Even if you detest working with others but in our modern society, it is unavoidable. Therefore, it will give the students the best preparation for the working environment in the future.
To sum up, two types of learning method have their own pros and cons. In educational environment we can combine these and use them flexibly in particular period of learning as well as in specific students.Hi, @ththao_99
I've read your essay and would like to suggest some ways to better your writing. Hope you'll find my suggestions useful. ^^
1. Regarding Task Response, you have addressed fully both views on individual and independent learning. However, you haven't given your own opinions (or given too little) about the statements mentioned. I suggest you should have another paragraph to fully give your opinions on the issues. For instance, you can say both individual and independent learning have some positive and negative sides, so it is up to each learner and the learning environment to decide which method is situable.
2. As for Grammar and Vocabulary, there are some grammatical and vocabulary mistakes which I will highlight and suggest some corrections to below. You should also take note of your vocabulary choice because there are some inappropriate words used in your essay.
3. Cohesion and Coherence: Your ideas are fairly organised and you have evidence to back up your arguments. Keep on the good work! However, there are sentences that can be shortened but still maintain the full meaning. I also think you should work out more on how to use connectors more effectively because there are some sentences that can be linked into one sentence or need connectors to make them more related and relevant.
... that group learning will be (I think "is" is more appropriate here) more effective ... learning (others think otherwise- this suggests that others think in the opposite way). In this essay, will explore ...
(1) ... learning enhances the concentration of students (you can use possessives here: students' concentration). (2) This is ... from distraction from (I suggest you use 'caused by') their teammate's discussion (their teammates). (3) Especially (I don't think this word is appropriate here), to a lot of students ... they are in crowd (I will rewrite this part by linking sentence (1) and (2) and using sentence (3) as an example: ... enhances students' concentration because it prevents them from distractions/helps to avoid distractions caused by their teammates. This is especially useful to introverted learners, who may find it hard/difficult to come up with ideas or focus on their work when in groups. This will make your sentences shorter but still keep the full meanings you want to convey. Also, it helps to make sense why you start your third sentence with Especially, which is to point out a particular example in which individual learning may prove useful) Furthermore, studying by (on) their own ... (4) A group include a lot ... (5) When they work alone without support from other (how about 'independently'? This may save you words), they learn by themselves (this may be unnecessary since 'work alone without support from other' has already meant 'learn/do work by yourselves'); hence, their ... researching, seeking (What does this mean?), also improve. [I will rewrite sentence (4) and (5) by showing contrasts: In a group of students with different levels, it is possible that some are too reliant on their more talented/competent peers, making little study effort. This is, however, not the case in individual learning as working independently allows students to hone self-study skills such as research and self-analysis, which requires hard work and therefore yields more productivity.. Just a suggestion, you can take it or leave it ^^]
..., group learning has is (its) own benefits. Several students with ... Specifically, if one person gives (one person can give) an idea and others will develop and nourish it (can give their perspectives/opinions to develop it), make it to become ... perspectives (making it the best version). Human beings usually finds find it hard ... mistakes, (3) so working together is a good way to take improve myself (wrong expression) by objective and ... (4) Besides, it will improve ... ((3) and (4) can be merged into one sentence: ...., so working together is a good way to make improvements/improve oneself through objective ... and The idea of 'improving teamwork skills' is not relevant in this sentence since you write that human beings need group learning for self-improvement because they cannot usually identify their own mistakes, so such idea can be saved for your next idea). (5) Even if you detest ... (6)Therefore, it will give ... ((5) and (6) can be considered as another supporting idea: [b]Furthermore, since teamwork is crucial/vital/essential in today's working environment//an integral part of today's workplace, engaging in group activities can hone such skill, thus providing a good preparation for students' future careers.)
To sum up, ... method ('the two learning methods [mentioned]') have their own ... In educational environment ... students (How about ....... we can flexibly combine them according to different learning periods and individual capacities). [This is an interesting idea that you should develop into a paragraph in the body to give your opinions on individual and group learning!]
I agree with you that your opinion should be more clearer
The last sentence in the introduction is not complete
Grammar mistakes : on their own
a group includes, others, developing
@ththao_99
Hello there! Welcome to the forum! I'm an active contributor here; and I hope you find all of the feedback helpful for your writing endeavors! We'd be happy if you came back for more. I wish to cover areas that others may have not yet.
First and foremost, while I think that your essay is put-together, I would heavily recommend trying to create more personalized assessments and analyses. Doing this will help you have more depth in your writing.
The lack of concrete (and/or firm) examples is also to be noticed in the text. Some portions lacked substantiation because of this. I recommend focusing on this protion of the text.
