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"Why are groups or organizations important to people?" - my writing practice


adychang 2 / 3  
Apr 5, 2011   #1
Here is my first writing practice.I sincerely hope that you can give me some feedback and advice to let me improve from the mistakes which I made. Thanks for your help!!!!!!!!!

Question:
Groups or organizations are an important part of some people's lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay:
Views vary with regard to why groups or organizations are important to people. I think that groups or organizations are extremely important in our daily life. The reason is that groups or organizations help me to gain more knowledge and learn more social skills from the pursuits of groups or organizations.

First of all, knowledge is gained from life experiences. Attending groups or organizations are the better ways to accumulate my life experiences. For example, I was a scout in my senior high school. I often went hiking and camping with my team. From these activities, I not only learned many Survival techniques about hwo to survive in the forest or wild when I 'm missing but also gained more knowledge of herbs and insects from these experiences.

Second, groups or organizations make it possible for me to learn different social skills from the activities, such as communication skill, or leadership skill. Take me for example, I have ever been the scout delegation to joined the World Scout Jamboree in Japan. In there, I have to communicate with my Japanese team members. So I use my body language to communicate with them. Finally, I made a lot of good friends with them even I couldn't speak Japanese. Besides, there are many Japanese team members younger than me. Every time we discussed the scout marketing strategies, I had to lead them to come up with some new ideals and deal with the marketing barriers. Although it's very hard for me, when I got over it and our team win the best-marketing award. It's worthy and honorable. From this activity, I improved the both abilities of communication skill and leadership skill.

Considering all the above, I argue for the important influence of groups or organizations in terms of the extension of knowledge , social skills and the network of contacts.

----adychang----
birdman 3 / 28  
Apr 5, 2011   #2
I think that they are extremely important in our daily life. (Put "they" not to repeat "groups and organizations")

The reason is that groups or organizations help me to gain more knowledge(Try to use less "me" in essays, because we write about general things, not our own)

hwo (how) to survive in the forest or wild (environment). wild is adjective. It needs a noun after it.

Second (secondly)

such as communication and leadership skills (-s is related to both of them)

In there (Do noy write in, simply THERE)

Besides, there are many Japanese team members who are younger than me.

From this activity, I have improved both abilities of communication and leadership skills .
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 7, 2011   #3
Birdman did give some great advice. Birdman, please check out the contributor page! You do great work here. (see the link at the bottom of the screen).

I want to mention that this sentence does not need to be so long:
The reason is that groups or organizations help me to gain more knowledge and learn more social skills. from the pursuits of groups or organizations. You appreciate groups and organizations because they help you gain knowledge and skill. You can end the sentence there.

Adychang, your English is already very effective! It is clear, but it has grammar errors. Please type the essay again while using the advice from birdman, and then we can look to see if you still have errors.

:-)


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