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IELTS TASK 2:There is a growing demand for fresh water nowadays and this is becoming global problem.

nadimnurnajmi 1 / -  
Nov 6, 2018   #1
Well hello smart people, i'm Nadim please kindly do a favor for me to check my essay by giving feedback which is based on some criteria :

1. Lexical Resource.
2. Grammatical range and accuracy.
3. Coherence and cohesion.
4. Task achievement.

the increasing request of water

There is a growing demand for fresh water nowadays and this is becoming global problem. What are the causes and solutions ?

Some people may hold a view that request for healthy water nowadays is rocketing up and this is perceived as a worldwide issue as well. The main causes toward this problem are uncontrolled consumption and progression of industry requiring a lot amount of water. Social campaigning of prudential usage of water and implementing eco-friendly technology could be the most viable solutions toward this phenomenon.

The uneconomical utilization of water and the mushrooming of industrial businesses are definitely the backgrounds why the demand of water is keep rising up. Since people is being indulged with advanced technologies and the growing economy in several countries brings impact to the development of industry requiring astronomical number of water, people tends to put minor attention toward crucial things in life -water, and pursue the advantages only. This situation could be even worse if the head of nations remain silent. For instance, in Malaysia, the water demand is keep increasing up to 65% in this year.

Committing social campaign to thrift the usage of water and establishing green technology are believed as the most effective solution for this predicament. It would encourage people to be more aware about water resources while at the same time, it could also provide healthy water to be consumed as the eco-friendly technology would not contaminate it. In Pakistan, these methods had brought tremendous impact, in 2009 the water demand was dramatically plummet to 80% and the water condition was better to be consumed.

To conclude, the increasing request of water caused by reckless utilization of water and improvement of industry could be coped with by doing social campaign and applying the natural-based technology for the industry.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,607 2503  
Nov 7, 2018   #2
Nadim, while your grammar is not as fluent as it should be, owing to grammatical errors, the essay itself stayed on the mark. Representing clear positions, ideas, and discussions. However, the essay suffers from certain errors, which you can easily correct within your next practice exercise. For a better analysis of your work, let's review it by bracket and scoring potential.

Task Accuracy - 7 - This is the best part of your writing. You showed a clear understanding of the prompt and managed to paraphrase it clearly for the reader. However, your reasoning tends to keep a general consideration rather than a specific consideration for say, the country where you live. The reasoning could have been stronger and scored higher if it had a more specific reference point in the presentation.

C&C - 5 - You are presenting a clear discussion in every paragraph but the progression suffers from a lack of transition sentences for the sentence topics within the paragraph and a transition sentence at the end to help introduce the next topic. This created a lack of progression in the discussion.

LR - 4 - The vocabulary used is basic. There are problems in your word usage because you are not using the correct time reference for the tenses used. These all led to improper word usage and an obvious limitation to your word formation abilities.

GRA - 4 - The LR problems limited your ability to score better in this section. The sentence structure problems result in faulty punctuation usage. You are using commas rather than periods throughout the presentations, which limit your paragraph format to 2 sentences per. The minimum is 3 sentences with a maximum of 5. You must learn to write complex sentences rather than run-ons. You must also properly use the subordinate clauses in the presentations. All of these problems can be resolved by writing short but complex sentences.

These scores should show you both the strengths and weaknesses of your written work. Use the scores to determine which parts you need to improve on and focus on bettering those with your next practice test.

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