Topic: A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.
Write a PARAGRAPH to give your opinion on the FIRST view.
Ongoing perceptional development since then antiquity brings in-depth intelligence to humans, which facilitates industrialism and civilization to become more sophisticated and convenient; however, in individual opinions, overthinking and strong empathy in animals is a darkside of human revolution. Standing at the top of the food chain, definitely, animals do not have the commensurate right as humans; hence, homo sapiens could manipulate species for several merits. Furthermore, maintaining biodiversity and ensuring not putting specific species on the threshold of extinction. A prevailing example is producing honey from pollen, which is consisted of archaic therapy, moreover, supposedly, the bee is in a prosperous life by human conservation.
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Wow! A dictionary exploded all over this statement. It is like the student decided to look up word descriptors online to use and then, decided to use those words without regard for the relevance of the word choices to the discussion. He disregarded the applicability of the word meaning in relation to the target audience. The total paragraph lacks an academic clarity expected of a high school or college level learner. The writer did not come up with a coherent nor logical explanation for his opinion presentation. It is confusing to read because the writer targeted word usage rather than a proper, clear, and understandable opinion presentation.
He should not be trying to write such a complex paragraph as of yet. He should keep it simple in terms of word choice and usage. He should also remember that each paragraph or essay written is meant for a target audience who may not appreciate the use of advanced vocabulary words that are not applicable to the people reading the paper. In this case, who was he writing for? The word choice was neither specific to a given profession nor meant for the easy understanding of a lay person. This is a badly developed paragraph because of the word choices used in the opinion presentation.