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The growth of advanced technology has revolutionized the way people live and work


abangabul93 15 / 27  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before.
What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?


In modern digital era, the growth of advanced technology has revolutionized the way people to do everything. Internet as a product of sophisticated technology has many benefits in human life such as changing the way information to be shared and consumed by public, yet it also has appeared causes these days. Although internet has merits and demerits, personally I do believe that some viable solutions should be taken to tackle this problems.

Needless to say, many people argue that internet damages culture. Firstly, by surfing to internet, everyone can find global information easily. They tend to be influenced by foreign cultures which serve different programmes without any filtration. For instance, internet provides many websites contained negative content which can be accessed for all aged groups. Secondly, internet can change people's lifestyle into sedentary lifestyle. It is really hazardous when children play online game in long period which tends to make them getting obesity. Another problem can be seen is many people utilize internet to do some digital crimes such as fraud and kid napping.

The aforementioned evidence occurs multifaceted problems. To overcome this, I do believe that government, parents, and education institution should work together to tackle this problems. First of all, the government should be active to ban websites which contain negative content. In addition, they have to create a standard regulation to filter the websites. For example, Ministry of Technology and Information in Indonesia has campaigned "internet positive" programme by blocking several websites which are inappropriate with the standard. Moreover, parents and educational also should take a role to give the best education in order to protect children and people doing negative activities.

All in all, multiple stakeholders play an essential role in making regulation to restrain irresponsible activities using internet. So, the predominant upside of using internet can be utilized broadly. (304 words)
debby17 8 / 20 5  
Nov 2, 2016   #2
Hi there,

Your writing is great but there is a small correction for you..

For instance, internet provides many websites contained negative content..
--> 2 verb in a sentence, I think you should change the 2nd verb into gerund (v-ing) or add a connector.

Thanks.


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