Guns Control or Not? - Essay with one body Paragraph

Please check it for me and how can I get in that essay?? Thank you!!!

According to our constitution, every citizen has the right to protect himself whether with guns, knives or any other tools. However, when we hear the word gun, we recall many crimes have been committed by people with that tool. In my country, guns spread all over the country in excuse of they are one of our customs. Although the idea of banning guns is too difficult to be accepted in my society, I think the government should ban guns among the entire citizens all over the country for guns aid in the society's damage.

Guns and firearms assist the society to destroy itself. There are many crimes have been committed inside homes by one of the family members by mistake. For instance, Mohammed killed his sister when he was 20 years by mistake when he was trying to frighten her by his gun. He shot her in the head while she was cooking in the kitchen. Furthermore, Because of the easiest way of obtaining guns in my country especially at homes, there are several crimes relating to suicide have been perpetrated. Also, people use guns in many trifles conflicts. For example, according to the eyewitness, the driver killed the passenger because he did not give him 20 YR. Moreover, banning guns in Yemen is going to decrease the revenge problem which considers one of Yemen's problems.

To sum up, guns crimes consider one of Yemen's problems that destroy the society, and I strongly believe that banning guns is going to help people to rebuild the society properly. So in my opinion, the government should think seriously of putting strict laws of prohibiting guns to public and put very severe punishments to which they break those laws.

--> weapons (try that if you like it)


Take that phrase out, it seem like you are trying to tolerate gun. I don't know how to explain why, but usually when people try to support something, they would put the stereotype or how other people would think then they display their opinion.




They basically means the same thing so pick one




--> There are several suicide incidents.





Sorry I should have just copy and paste the essay and edit straight from that instead of quoting each sentence. Now it's all messy and hard to understand. Hope you can understand all that and hope it helped a little. Good luck

Great job, Tan Vi! I want to improve one of the corrections:
Moreover, banning guns in Yemen is going to decrease the revenge problem, which is considered one of Yemen's significant problems.----- Thanks, Tan Vi, for the time you put into making these corrections. I just had this idea to improve this one...

Nesreen, this is very good! I want to suggest that when you argue a point like, this, you should spend a paragraph to "refute the counterargument." The counterargument people usually make for this subject is that criminals will have guns even if they are banned, so private citizens should be able to lawfully carry guns to defend themselves. If you talk about that and tell us why it is still better to ban guns, the argument will be stronger.

:-)