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"Hamster, My Favorite Pet" - My practice essay


ulfhvoqm 1 / 3  
Jun 17, 2011   #1
Hi buddies, i am a second language learner and also a GED student. i just found this place because i have been looking for a place for helping my essay. ^o^ my major problem is grammar.

My Favorite Pet

My favorite pet is a hamster. His name is Vibrant, and he is only two months old. He is an adorable hamster and with completely white furs over his body. Everyday when i get home, the first thing i will do is play with him.

vibrant is really an adorable and funny pet. I named him Vibrant because he likes to run around the room when i take it out from his cage every time. He is so full of energy just like when i drank a can of redbull. I extremely like to hold him in my hand and rub my face with his furs. He will make some squeak voices to indicate his protest. Then, when i put it back on the floor, he will stare at me with malice radiates from his eyes. "Oh how cute!" I will say, and i will give him some foods as the compensation for him. He will devour the foods immediately. When he bloated his little belly, he will start to run around the room again.

Sometimes i will talk to him as if he is a human. I like to pour my trouble to him because he is a good listener. He can not able to interrupt me or debate with me. Plus, i love to talk a lot, but i am not a good listener as he does. Sometimes, when i talk to him about how good i did that day, he will squeak and lay flat on the floor as if he can understands me and thinks that i am bragging.

Now, Vibrant is 1 year old already. i am so happy for the time that we play together. He is a very good listener and a good company, and I always regard him as my little brother. Vibrant is the most adorable pet which i have never had, and i love him to death.

essaybrah - / 3  
Jun 17, 2011   #2
Hey Michael,

Are you just looking for some feedback/edits/revisions/suggestions for the paper?
OP ulfhvoqm 1 / 3  
Jun 17, 2011   #3
huuh, i really need help in my essay. I have flunked many times on my test already. yeah, i need help on all you have mentioned.
essaybrah - / 3  
Jun 17, 2011   #4
My favorite pet is my hamster, Vibrant. He is adorable, covered in white fur. Each day I am anxious to come home so I can play with him.

Not only is Vibrant adorable, but he is hilarious too. I named him vibrant because it reflects his personality. When I take him out of his cage, he runs wildly with large bursts of energy. His level of energy is amazing, it reminds me of myself after I have had a few Red Bulls.

One of my favorite things to do with my pet is holding him and rubbing my face on his fur. Sometimes he will squeak in protest. Once I am finished petting him, I put him on the ground and he glares at me with malice. "Oh how cute!", I say to myself. I always follow this tradition with a treat. This way he will learn to associate me petting him with snacks. As soon as I give him his food, he inhales it. His stomach bloats for a short time, but he is always quick to be up and running.

Sometimes I will personify him in my head, by talking to him. I often confide in him because he is a great listener. He never interrupts or disagrees with me. This is perfect because I love conversing a lot, and he never says a word. I must acknowledge however, that I am not a good listener. There are times where I become very self absorbed in my speech. During moments like this, he will squeak, turn around, and lie on the floor out of contempt.

Recently, he just reached his first birthday. This has been a wonderful year. Him and I have gotten to one another by playing games, having great conversations, and keeping each other company. I will always consider family, my little brother to be exact. He is without a doubt, the most adorable pet I have ever had and I love him to death.

Hey buddy, I tried doing some believable changes. Didn't want to make it excessively advanced, don't wanna land you in trouble.
OP ulfhvoqm 1 / 3  
Jun 17, 2011   #5
i am sure that i learned something from your changes. i hope i can soon write an essay as good as yours, and i know i will because i am a person who yearning for success. ^o^
essaybrah - / 3  
Jun 17, 2011   #6
Well I commend you for learning a second language. I may speak English well, but I was raised with it, and its the only language I speak :).

I certainly hope you do learn something, just keep reading books and practicing your writing. Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jun 20, 2011   #7
Yep, strong English writing skill here.
Hey, capitalize the first word of a sentence:
vibrant Vibrant is really an adorable and funny pet.

He is so full of energy, just like when i drank a can of Red Bull. ----Ha ha, good example. I capitalized the name of Red Bull, though... and I added a comma.

I extremely like to hold him in my hand and rub my face with his furs. ----You can't use extremely this way. You know.. actually, I think you are NOT wrong to use it this way. I think, grammatically, it is correct. But do not use extremely this way, because it sounds wrong.

:-)

He will make some squeak voices to indicate his protest. ---Nice! What a great style you have.

Then, when I put him back on the floor, he will stare at me with malice radiating from his eyes.

"Oh how cute!" I will say, and i will give him some food as the compensation. for him .

Well done!
OP ulfhvoqm 1 / 3  
Jun 20, 2011   #8
Thank you for your alter and praise. ^o^ thinking in English make me can not exactly convey what i am thinking because poor vocabulary. but if think in my own language, i will in trouble of translation.


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