enjoy every second of a happy moment
Happiness has become a frequent subject of debate with strong arguments for and against. Some consider that bliss is something existing around us at this moment. From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement due to the following reasons.
First of all, in this contemporary life, humans obtain a great chance to live independently without being concerned about aggressive wars. Previously, our ancestors had to struggle with a huge number of invaders who always desired to foster decisive battles. In contrast to the past, people nowadays are able to indulge themselves in the freedom and tranquility of life. As the consequence, we enjoy every single day without being at the mercy of some problematic conflicts. Therefore every moment currently is such tremendous bliss.
Secondly, most of us are likely to be exposed to an ever increasing technology that can facilitate all what we demand for. For instance, when we get depressed or exhausted, we tend to turn on our phone and be willing to immerse in an abundance of entertaining films, songs or shows. Accordingly, our exhaustion and resentment may be gotten rid of and be replaced by happiness. That leads to bless us considerably
Finally, people presently are offered an ideal opportunity to pursue the professional and systematic education and training programs. It is evident that people are capable of feeling blissfully happy when they have attained a great deal of success on their own. As the result, if we are well-informed about what is going on in our life, we will immediately perceive the happiness of life because we become more confident and mature to tackle everything emerging around us.
To sum up, without a doubt, every single second that we are enjoying is excessively joyful, precious thing. Therefore we have to treasure it no matter what happens
Your essay was very engaging to read. I overall really enjoyed it.
In the first introductory paragraph I felt that it is unnecessary to add From my point of view. The reader already knows it is from your point of view and it makes your essay sound more informal.
In my opinion, your first and last point is stronger than your second point.
Nguyễn, the only problem with your essay is the manner that you presented your opening statement and concluding paragraph. The way you reasoned out in the essay is good. You were clear, understandable, and did not cause any stress on the reader because you have enough of a grasp of the English vocabulary to create coherent and cohesive sentences / explanations. You are not scored on the strength of your answers so you don't need to worry about that. You are however, scored heavily on your English language abilities. That is what you should focus on and that is what you did well in this essay.
That said, your opening statement lacks some informative points. While it does meet the sentence minimum of 3 sentences, you need to be clear about what the facts are based on the original prompt. From your presentation, it appears that there are two points of view being mentioned in the original prompt. While this is an emotional, extent essay, you must include a description of both points of view before you indicate the strength of the opinion that you support in the essay. That will show that you were analytical in your approach and will also increase the Task Accuracy score since you covered all of the important information for presentation in the essay.
The fact that you knew to stick to one topic as the overall body of paragraphs discussion is a feather in your cap. You actually understood the requirements of the discussion and delivered accordingly. Good job. I will not fault any of your reasons because these are to be based on your own opinion and therefore, is not included in the scoring consideration. What you were scored on instead, was your ability to make yourself understood to the reader. Something that you did with aplomb.
Now, never go for the simple paragraph presentation in the conclusion. The conclusion is a strong part of the TA scoring consideration and is your last chance to impress the reviewer. Therefore, do not go for the run-on single sentences as others mostly advice. My students have always scored highly in their own tests because they always use the maximum 5 sentence allowance per paragraph in their opening and closing statements. That is their final chance to show off the fact that they can use a variety of English sentence structures and also provide the final instance of grammar ability in their essay. So don't squander it by writing just one long summary sentence. Use it to its full potential. Properly summarize the discussion by doing the following:
1. Restating the prompt
2. Summarizing the important reasoning points from the body of paragraphs
3. Close the statement
From this list of 3, you will find that, appropriately written, you will easily cover the 5 sentence maximum requirement.
thanks for your constructive criticism. I will conform to what you recommend to improve my writing skill