Happiness is considered very important in life.
Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?
It is true that happiness is extremely crucial to people's life, whereas it is an abstract ideal to be define. There are several basic methods to increase the levels of happiness.
The state of happiness is abstract. People learn the ideal of being happy from media, books and academics, whereas it is difficult to define because it depends on people's goals, background and physical health conditions. For example, people living in a democratic country think that living in North Korea is a disaster. However, according to a recent survey, it revealed that North Korea citizens' the levels of happiness are higher than people living in a democratic country, such South Korea, because they fell satisfied. As a result, those reasons make it difficult to define.
Even though happiness is hard to define, there are various basic factors to get happy. Firstly, a healthy body usually contributes to a healthy mind, so doing exercise is one of the ways to achieve happiness. According to the recent study from Harvard University, it revealed that people who do vigorous exercise every day tend to have low chance to suffer mental problems, comparing to people who live a sedentary lifestyle. Secondly, having emotional support and daily conversation with families or friends is other factors. People are social animals, if they do not fit in certain groups they would like to, they are inclined to feel isolated and loneliness. The feelings of those will lead people to be unhappy. Finally, finding something you love is also important to achieve happiness because you can get satisfaction and sense of confidence from them; thus, you will be happy.
In conclusion, while the state of happy is an abstract idea, there still are several ways to get happy. (290)
Tapir, a direct response essay tests your current events and exposure to popular opinion and information. It is not an essay that will be scored well when you always say "according to a recent survey" or "according to a recent study from Harvard University". You do realize that you will not be able to do research at the testing center right? There will not be a computer that you can use to do that. That's why you have to rely on your personal insight, understanding, and definition of what happiness is all about and how to achieve it. Just all the other essay tests, this is a single personal opinion essay. So you will score downward because of your reliance on researched information that, in one instance, doesn't even have an actual source.
Now remember, the opening paraphrase still relies on the 3-5 sentence format for the paragraph in order to help increase, not decrease your TA and C&C score. You failed to do that in the opening and closing paragraph of this essay so expect points deductions for improper paraphrasing on both ends for your essay. Keep in mind that the concluding summary is expected to repeat the important reasons or discussions in your essay as a closing presentation to the reader. It should never be only 1-2 sentences long in either instance.
Hi Okapi99 , I am not an expert teacher, but i would like to give some points on your essay;
1-The introduction and conclusion are too short
2-The essay is not well-organized
Overall, I think that your essay is quite well-written with a wide range of vocabulary related to the topics. There are some minor parts in your essay I would like to comment:
1. "As a result, those reasons make it difficult to define." -> "As a result, those reasons make happiness complex to define."
In your sentence, I think that "it" is not quite clear, so that's why I suggest that you use a specific noun there. Also, I think that you can elevate the word "difficult" to a higher level word like "complex" so that you can avoid using the high-frequency words in your essay.
2. Instead of using "something that you love", try "passion".
3. I think you can use other phrases other than "get happy" like "find your state of happiness" or so. It would sound much more academic.
I'm not an expert teacher, but I hope that my comment can help you somehow.