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It is hard to imagine how people live without friends


vtat1902 1 / -  
May 6, 2020   #1

The blessing of a true friendship



Have you ever wondered how your life would be without a close friend? In all probabilities, we would suffer from many sorrows but could hardly share with our relatives. So, from my perspective, friends play a much more vital role in our lives than we have ever thought of.

In the first place, it is obvious that we can't choose the family to have been born but can choose a friend to confide in, which allows us to share the same interests and feelings that we are unwilling to tell our parents. This is why we always need someone whom we could place complete trust on them, apart from the relatives of ours. Moreover, you may not notice that a true friendship could motivate our confidence to encounter obstacles and healthy competition while gradually being a grown-up. To illustrate, imagine yourself doing a presentation among the class, and, every time you feel nervous, your friend is there to support and eager to help you, which is no doubt pushing you out of your safe zone. Not to mention, deprivation from friends may cause difficulty in expressing ourselves and deficiency in social skills. Eventually, this could lead to mental problems or autism. Though, we can also face many troubles with a friend when it comes to controversy and conflict sometimes. But, what matters the friendship is mutual trust and respect to each other.

On the whole, I would say that a friend can do good to both mental and physical conditions of our body. However, bear to mind that the key to maintaining an unbreakable friendship depends on yourself.
bee_linhtinh 2 / 3 1  
May 6, 2020   #2
At the first impression, your essay is an argumentative one and it is trying to prove the thesis that we cannot live without a friend.

In terms of structure, you seem to have got a proper one except for the fact that it is written in only one paragraph. As far as I know the body normally is split into two or three paragrahs because it gives an impression of well-suppored essays. You have already 3 points and personally, I think it would it better to break the body into 3 saperate paragraphs presenting these 3 key ideas.

In terms of grammar, basically you can use very complex grammatical structures, which proves that you have a quite a good command of English grammatical knowledge. However, there are still few mistakes that are notable to me.

we can't choose the family we are born into.
"a true friendship " --> no article because friendship is uncountable noun.
"This is why ... trust on them" --> need to remove " them" at the end of the sentence.

what matters in friendship is ... respect to each other.
As for lexical resources, you use a wide range of topical vocabulary items. But I think there should be a further consideration of word choice

"Moreover, you may not notice that ..." --> Morover, friendly competition between friends can help a person to boost confidence while both parties are working to push one another toward a similar goal.

"deprivation from friends" --> wrong use of deprivation --> lack of company

All in all, this is still a good essay with a good use of grammar and vocabulary. I also learn from reading your essay.
Regards,
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
May 6, 2020   #3
I am not sure if you wrote this as a part of a Task 2 essay practice test or if you are just working on your English writing skills. I will be cautious and assume that you are just writing a practice test, mostly because you failed to include the discussion instructions for the topic and I do not wish to make any mistakes in advising you, should you not be writing a task 2 essay. I'll provide a general review instead.

Your first paragraph is a good representation of the prompt restatement. Even though you posed a question at the start of the paragraph, which is frowned upon in an actual Task 2 test because that normally leads to prompt deviations, you managed to stay on topic and give the reader a clear idea of what the essay will be about and how you plan to discuss it. It is a good start to the essay development.

Do not use English expressions if you are not familiar with the complete presentation. In the second paragraph, it is "we cannot choose the families we are born into" not, "we cannot choose the family to have been born". Other correction points:

can put complete trust on - complete trust in
the relatives of ours = our relatives

You should be making better use of paragraphs in your presentation. It will help you present a clearer thought process to the reader and make the essay easier to read on the page. By the way, autism is a special needs case, you should not be including that in your essay. Autism is not caused by lack of friends. Be accurate with your data presentation and references. Do not jump to conclusions. If you are not sure of a reason you will be using, it will be best not to use it at all.


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