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It\s hard for some people to build their first business enterprise instead of working as an employee


Anna94 47 / 56 3  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

It may be hard for some people to build their first business enterprise instead of working as employee in a particular place. Since they think, it needs a lot of materials and necessary things. However, managing company that has been running will make them realize many things that they never think before.

To begin some work such as trading goods or merits trading will be hard for people since it needs a self-endurance and ability to manage their work. People who succeed to build start up but do not have strategy to manage their work and enough mental skills will be getting stress. For example, in the capital city, there is a man who had stressed and had become a beggar after he failed to manage his business and had been fraud. He owed much money in bank and he could not pay it. He did not know what to do next. It means that negligence of mental gives drawback to him.

On the other hand, becoming an entrepreneur will bring many benefits, not only for entrepreneurs themselves, but also for anyone. For instance, I have a friend that had started his business since he was in college. He got monetary asset by joining challenge. After build the education institute, he opened the opportunity to college students for being a tutors and get salary. By developing his own enterprise, he had gone umrah and had brought his special employees too. Now, he can earn much money from that course without sit several hours a day in office. He can enjoy his life while manage his business conveniently. It has proved that set up career by business will bring advantages, include happiness.

All in all, I think starting a business brings many advantages to owners and somebody else. Since become an entrepreneur means people must ready to be a boss who will get much money without someone's pressure and exactly it helps residents. However, to reduce demerits, the beginner should have a strong mental skill and a managerial ability to avoid frustration. 341w

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Oct 28, 2016   #2
Hi Anna..
These are my corrections to make yours better. Please, review them
^_^


... instead of working as AN employee in a particular place. Since they think, THAT it needs a lot ...

However, managing company that has been running ...

Anna, focus on the question. You have avoided prompts given in the statement. The question asks you to display whether being an entrepreneur has more advantages than drawbacks. One of the essential points in writing task 2 is task response.

Turning to the body paragraph, I have not found answers to the task responses totally. This follows out of the topic. You should explain that if someone becomes the entrepreneur, positive aspects and drawback what they will get. After that, you consider them whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. There is an explanation widely, but your finishing cannot sharp the prompts. Actually, you can write well because you have made a large number of mistakes grammatically. You only need to conduct brainstorming better so that you still review in the edge of the prompts.

I suggest you read the examples of writing task 2. As many as you read them, you can get the points and sense of essay.
I believe you have a big opportunity to master this skill
Keep writing
GOOD LUCK


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