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Its Hard to say Goobye


mgurl101 1 / -  
Feb 26, 2014   #1
write a narrative essay about a personal experience or memory that haunts you or fascinates you.
(this is what i have so far)

Its painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go because they mean so much to you and they thought of them leaving is so agonizing. Its never easy and it's probably one of the most challenging experience a person has to face. I remember very vividly the day I had to say goodbye to my grandmother. she had Bowel Cancer, but she never told anyone till about a couple months before she died.

I remember my mom handing me the phone on day she had a look of remorse in her eyes and that confused because i didn't know why she was so upset. I was going to ask but me beat me to it and said that my aunt Angie was on the other line. I didn't ask why so I calmly took the phone from her hands and as i placed my ear to the receiver on the other I could hear her sobbing uncontrollably into the receiver. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 26, 2014   #2
It' s painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go because they mean so much to you and theythe thought of them leaving is so agonizing.

It is painful to say goodbye to someone you do not want to let go out of your life. Such a feeling or thought is pretty agonizing because those people mean so much to you and you feel that they are part of your life.

Its never easy and it's probably one of the most challenging experience a person has to face.

I feel you should take this sentence off . It is overdone otherwise. You already used two sentences to tell the same idea and overdoing would harm the flow of your essay :(
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 27, 2014   #3
Pay attention what Pahan suggested to you :)
sheShe had Bowel Cancer, but she never told anyonetill about a couple months before she died.any of us until two months before she passed away. ... I made those changes to enhance the effect of intimacy you had with your grandma.

I remember my mom handing me the phone on the day she had a look of remorse in her eyes and that confused because i didn't know why she was so upset.with her trembling hands. She looked so sad and confused and I didn't have a clue about her look.


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