In some cultures, children are told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
There is a message that children are able to reach every goal by making enough effort. While it not only makes children persistent people but also inspires them, a drawback, particularly pressure, should also be taken into consideration.
On the one hand, some people told children that hard work helps children to make every dream come true because of some benefits. First, undoubtedly, children are likely to become more persistent when they are encouraged to try hard to reach anything. By realizing that everything takes much time and effort to reach, they will not give up when getting failures. Moreover, children who make serious attempts to achieve goals set a good example for the same-aged. An example is Joseph Schooling who had spent his teenage years practicing swimming professionally to surpass his idol Michael Phelps and won a gold medal in 2016, which is a motivator to children, particularly those who have a passion for the sport.
On the other hand, holding a belief in this message, children are under great pressure, which is also a downside. There is no doubt that children will feel stressed when they have to try as hard as possible to reach lots of different goals. My cousin, for example, studies with a hectic schedule to get good scores in all subjects in order to fulfill his parent's high expectations. Therefore, he has less time to relax, feels extremely stressed and worried when he does not perform well in exams. Moreover, making every effort to be good at all subjects, he cannot exactly know what his strength is.
In conclusion, the message to children emphasizing the need of working hard to be successful brings some advantages and puts great pressure on them
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Undoubtedly and "there is no doubt" have the same meaning. It is best to avoid redundant references in the essay because, as the words convey the same idea, there tends to be a conflict within the statements provided. The lack of doubt should exist for one only of the two points of view. When there is a lack of doubt in one statement, a reference to doubt should be made in reference to the next idea that is counter to the first. It would be better if the writer does not refer to factual vocabulary instead since it is not necessary to give a conviction for this statement. There is no reference to the writer needing to convey his opinion on either matter in the discussion instruction. So words of strong opinion (undoubtedly, there is no doubt) are not required to create a strong A v. D discussion. The representations are convincing enough, even as there are some word usage errors in the presentation. These errors ( samed aged v same age) do not confuse the meaning of the sentence.
Your writing is good.
The clarity was made OK, although there are some unsuitable word usage, but it did't cause much confusion. Since this is not the "Discuss and give your opinion" type of test, phrases like "undoubtedly" and "there is no doubt" shouldn't be put in the essay. Keep writing and improving, good luck.