Toefl essays- " When people succeed, it is because of hardwork. Luck has nothing to do with success."
Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and example to explain your position.
Being successful is an important part of our lives. When we achieve success, we get satisfaction, respect and many benefits. People of all generations are looking for the ways to get success. Some people believe that when people succeed, it is because of hardwork and luck has nothing to do with success, while others disagree. In my view, hardwork is a key to success for several reasons.
The main reason is that hardwork keeps us determined towards our destiny. It prevents us from being an aimlessness, prepares us to face the challenges and provides a motivation until we achieve our goals. Through out my life, the success that I have received is the result of my hardwork. For example, when I came to the United States, I had to appear for my medical license exam. I studied most of my time by carefully planning and utilized each and every time in a proper way.This helped me to clear my doubts, increased my understandings and reinforced my knowledge. Though I came up with many challenges while I was preparing,I always stood firm in my beliefs and continuously worked hard. As a result, I passed my exam and became licensed doctor. On the other hand, my friend who was also appearing for the same exam didn't study well. She believed that luck would help her. Instead of studying she always kept on visiting temples to pray for the luck so that she can get easy questions. She was not able to get through it. Though this is an extreme example, as you can clearly see how working hard help us to get success.
The second reason is that hardwork help us to predict our success. In the procees of working hard, we work step by step which keeps us alert about problems that may come in the future and thus will hep us to save from many losses. For instance, my uncle owns a furniture bussiness. He works really hard to increase the sales and profits. Last year when he was working hard, he came to know that in future he may get some loss in his bussiness. So, he started building good relationsips with the customers and adopted some new techniques to increase the profit.Thus, even when most of the business went bad he didn't need to worry, as he had been working hard, the customers trusted on the quality of the products.This example cleary shows shows that hardwork prevents us from the failures.
In sum, people get success due to hard work. Not only people remains determined to achieve the success but it also can help to predict the chances of success in the future. We should work hard in all the sectors of our daily lives to get success.
in your second paragraph, "determined" doesn't feel like the right word.
" It prevents us from being an aimlessness" should be "It prevents us from being aimless,"
"through out" should be "throughout"
" I studied most of my time by carefully planning and utilized each and every time in a proper way" seems a little awkward. I would reword this sentence. (Perhaps, "I carefully managed and planned my time so that every moment was utilized for studying.")
"preparing,I" should have a space between the comma and I.
"continuously worked hard." should be, "worked hard continuously."
"to pray for the luck so that she can get easy questions." should be reworded. (perhaps, "to pray that she would get the easy questions.")
"She was not able to get through it." Through what? I would replace the words, "get through it" with, "pass the test."
"working hard help us" should be "working hard helps us."
In the third paragraph, "procees" should be "process"
"hep" should be "help"
"bussiness" should be "business"
"really" should be "very"
"he came to know that in future he may get some loss in his bussiness." should be reworded. (Perhaps, "he found out he may lose business in the future.")
"relationsips" should be "relationships"
"profit.Thus," needs a space between the period and the next word.
"trusted on" should be, "trusted in"
"cleary shows shows" should be "clearly shows"
In the fourth paragraph, I would replace "in sum," with "in conclusion."
"remains" should be "remain"
