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Harm fume gases from private cars' bring some serious problems [IELTS WR Task 2]

Wakalanud 3 / 7 3  
Sep 7, 2017   #1
The proliferation of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problem of pollution and may contribute to global warming.

Some people think the government should spend money for the development of public transportation system in order to help alleviate this problem. Others think it is better to spend money for the development of electric types of cars that many cause less pollution

Discuss both views


'kill the bird with one stone' method

Pollution from vehicle is the one of the biggest triggers for the climate change and the lungs cancer that people have to face. It also brings some contradiction in society where the budget is better to spend in evolving the type of electric cars while this essay agrees that the police maker should concern about the increasing the public transportation to control the rate of pollution.

Developing the public transportation system can become the solution for decreasing pollution. Adding the new or renovating the old mass transportation can be a good campaign to attract the people to use it. Taking a developed country such as Germany as an example, where the reason why the society prefers to use mass transportation rather than private cars, it is very comfortable and it was proven if this strategy can control the rate of pollution.

Although developing electric cars can be viable solution to overcome this problem, the government should consider before choosing this option. Remembering not whole countries, especially in developing countries, are supported with electricity to recharge the cars or to replace the gas cars, this approach will surely need large budget. Despite changing the gas car into electric, the government prefers to increase the other sector that might be more crucial to handle rather than this matter.

In conclusion, renovating or adding the new public transportation to encourage the people to use it as like kill the bird with one stone for the government beside to control pollution rate also to give sense of comfort to the society. While electric cars has limited access in several areas and many consideration have to cogitate.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,568 4443  
Sep 7, 2017   #2
Heru, the essay that you wrote does not follow the requirements for a Task 2 essay. There is no opening paraphrase that should have represented the original prompt topic and instructions in your own understanding. Neither did it discuss the essay in the manner required which is to simply discuss both points of view. You created a personal opinion paper in your discussion. This is a direct representation of a prompt deviation which shows that you did not fully understand the instructions you were provided with. Therefore, the score for this essay will not be passing. Let me see if I can show you how you could have outlined this paper to better follow the prompt requirements and discussion outline:

The worldwide use of private cars has led to pollution problems that in turn, have made global warming worse. That is why there are sectors of society that believe word governments should be spending more money on the development of public transportation in order to solve the pollution problem. Then there are others who believe that it would be best for the government to finance the development of electric cars instead as these would lessen world pollution which could help reduce pollution. This essay will discuss both points of view.

It is believed by some that by increasing public transportation, the government....

On the other hand, if the government were to develop electric cars, some people are of the opinion that...

In conclusion...

Notice that the outline I provided for you as an example fully covers the method by which this essay should have been discussed. I have a feeling that you did not really know how to format the essay and how to approach the discussion. I hope that my example above can help you understand how to approach these types of essay instructions.
ayibram 6 / 16 2  
Sep 22, 2017   #3
Your idea in this essay is good, yet it's better to paraphrase the question and put in the introduction paragraph. I also found some grammatical errors such as the government prefers to increase the other sectors and I think you shouldn't present your opinion in this type of essay. That's all brother :)

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